Re: Request for review of a package description
Justin B Rye <jbr@edlug.org.uk> writes:
> Ben Finney wrote:
> >> Package: xiphos
> >> Description: environment for Bible reading, study, and research
> > Xiphos is a Bible study program for the GNOME desktop environment.
> > It is based on The SWORD Project by the CrossWire Bible Society, a
> > framework for tools to assist studying the Bible and additional
> > information like commentaries, dictionaries and other texts.
[…]
>
> My only complaint with this version is the number of sentences
> beginning with either "Xiphos" or "It".
I think, in a package description, that clear communication should win
over avoiding repetition of the subject.
> Package: xiphos
> Description: environment for Bible reading, study, and research
> Xiphos is a Bible study program for the GNOME desktop environment,
> based on the CrossWire Bible Society's SWORD Project, a framework
> for developing tools for study of the Bible and of associated texts
> such as commentaries and dictionaries.
This is a run-on sentence with several referents, which IMO makes it too
easy to lose the thread. I need to read the above several times to know
when the subject changes. I think shorter, simpler sentences would be
better here.
> This package provides the main Xiphos program, a digital text
> reader with bookmarks and full-text search. It allows viewing
> multiple versions of the same text, for parallel reading of
> alternatives or translations, and also supports personal
> verse-specific notes and a rich-text study pad, both of which have
> spell checking and full-text search.
No complaints here. (Note that “both of which support” is my own
interpretation; re-reading the original, I can see that it might be
untrue. The original poster should make sure the claims haven't become
false through my re-writing.)
--
\ “You've got to think about big things while you're doing small |
`\ things, so that all the small things go in the right |
_o__) direction.” —Alvin Toffler |
Ben Finney
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