Re: [OT] Please STOP it!
On Sun, 2003-08-03 at 22:28, Pigeon wrote:
> Sorry. This list is overdue for a long off-topic rant, and it is
> necessary for at least five people to complain in increasingly strong
> terms before it begins to wind down. On-topic-ness is only a
> metastable state; it causes a build-up of off-topic energy which must
> periodically be discharged in occasional lengthy rants. It's similar
> to summer thunderstorms, earthquakes, vulcanism etc. Stay on-topic for
> too long, and the explosion could destroy the world as we know it.
>
> The thing about this particular off-topic rant, though, is that it's
> not a good discussion: it's a 'tis, 'tisn't ding-dong between
> entrenched positions. Though it is faintly amusing when someone at the
> same time insists that his mail system is perfect while publicly
> demonstrating that it is broken.
Well, here is your blowout/rant/letting off steam for you:
1) Ah, I'd like to have an argument, please.
2) Certainly, sir. Have you been here before?
1) No, I haven't, this is my first time.
2) I see, well do you want to have just one argument, or were you
thinking of taking a course?
1) Well, what is the cost?
2) Well, its one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds
for a course of ten.
1) Well, I think it would be best if I perhaps started off with just the
one and see how it goes.
2) Fine. Well, I'll see who's free at the moment... ah Mr. Debakees
free, but he a little bit conciliatory, ah yes, try Mr. Barnhard. Room
twelve.
1) Thank you.
<...slam...><...walking...><...Door Opens...>
3) WHAT DO YOU WANT?
1) Well I was told outside that ...
3) DON'T GIVE ME THAT YOU SNOTTY FACED HEAP OF PARROT DROPPINGS!
1) What?
3) SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE REALLY MAKES ME PUKE. YOU
VACUOUS COFFEE NOSED MALODOROUS PERVERT.
1) Look, I came here for an argument. I'm not just going to just stand
here...
3) Oh, Oh I'm sorry but this is abuse.
1) Oh I see, well that explains it.
3) Ah yes, you want 12A just along corridor.
1) Ahh, oh thank you, very much. Sorry.
3) Not at all. <...slam...><...under breath...> Stupid git.
<...walking...><...knock...>
4) Come in.
1) Ah, is this the right room for an argument.
4) I told you once.
1) No, you haven't
4) Yes, I have.
1) When?
4) Just now.
1) No, you didn't.
4) I did.
1) Didn't.
4) Did.
1) Didn't.
4) I'm telling you, I did.
1) You, did not.
4) Oh I'm sorry, Just one moment, uh.. is this a 5 minute argument or
the full half hour?
1) Oh-ah, just the 5 minute.
4) Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.
1) You most certainly, did not.
4) Look lets get this thing clear, I quite definitely told you.
1) No, you did not.
4) Yes, I did.
1) No, you didn't.
4) Yes, I did.
1) No, you didn't
4) Yes, I Did.
1) No, you didn't
4) Yes, I did
1) You didn't.
4) Did.
1) Look, this isn't an argument.
4) Yes it is.
1) No, it isn't, it's just contradiction.
4) No it isn't.
1) It is.
4) It is not.
1) Look, you just contradicted me.
4) I did not.
1) Oh, you did.
4) NO! NO! NO!
1) You did, just then.
4) Nonsense.
1) Oh, this is futile.
4) No it isn't.
1) I came here for a good argument.
4) No you didn't. No, you came here for an argument.
1) An argument isn't just contradiction.
4) Can be.
1) No it can't, an argument is a connected series of statements intended
to establish a proposition.
4) No it isn't.
1) Yes it is. It's not just contradiction.
4) Look, if I argue with you I must take up a contrary position.
1) Yes, but that's not just no it isn't.
4) Yes it is.
1) No it isn't. Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is
just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.
4) No it isn't.
1) Yes it is.
4) Not at all
1) Now look
<...Bell Ringing...>
4) Good Morning!
1) What?
4) That's it, Good Morning.
1) It was just getting interesting.
4) Sorry the five minutes is up.
1) That was never five minutes.
4) I am afraid it was.
1) It wasn't
4) I'm sorry but I'm not allowed to argue anymore.
1) What?
4) If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five
minutes.
1) Yes, but that was never five minutes. Just now, oh come on.
4) <...humming...>
1) Look this is ridiculous.
4) I'm sorry I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
1) Oh, alright.
4) Thank you.
1) Well?
4) Well, what?
1) That wasn't really five minutes just now.
4) I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
1) I just paid.
4) No, you didn't.
1) I did.
4) No, you didn't.
1) Look, I don't want to argue about that.
4) Well, you didn't pay.
1) Ah-Ha, If I didn't pay, why are you auguring I've got you.
4) No you haven't.
1) Yes I have, If your arguing I must have paid.
4) Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
1) Oh, I've had enough of this.
4) No you haven't
1) Oh, shut up.
<...slam...><...walking...><...open...>
1) I want to complain.
5) You want to complain, look at these shoes I've only had them three
weeks, the heels are worn right through.
1) No, I want to complain about...
5) If you complain, nothing happens. You might as well not bother.
1) OHHH!
5) I'm in back here, wearing out a fine day and I'm sick and tired of
this office.
<...slam...><...walking...><...open...>
1) Hello I wan't to...
<...thwack...>
1) OHHHH!
6) No, No, No hold your head like this, then go WAAAH, try it again.
<...thwack...>
1) OHHHH!
6) Better, better but WAAAH WAAAAH! put your hand there.
1) NO!
6) NOW!
<...thwack...>
1) WAAAH!
6) GOOD GOOD... That's it.
1) Stop hitting me.
6) What?
1) Stop hitting me.
6) Stop hitting YOU?
1) Yes.
6) Why'd you come in here then?
1) I wanted to complain.
6) Ohhh, no that's next door. It being hit on the head lessons in here.
1) What a stupid concept!
--
greg, greg@gregfolkert.net
REMEMBER ED CURRY! http://www.iwethey.org/ed_curry
Oh, how your melodic chewing of cotton balls cancels the stamp on my
papyrus telegram from the Queen of England.
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