Re: Please review/translate Asia security mirror announcement

[Justin B Rye <justin.byam.rye@gmail.com>]

Donald Norwood wrote:
>>> <p>The Debian Project is pleased to announce that the new host
>>> behind "security.debian.org" has recently been placed in Japan, with
>>> the help of SAKURA Internet, Inc.</p>
>> Why "*the* new host"?  Have we had this host working as a security
>> mirror for a while before we finally managed to move it to Japan?  Or
>> has a machine that was already in Japan been set up as a new security
>> mirror?  The latter would be something more like
>>
>>   <p>The Debian Project is pleased to announce that a new host
>>   behind "security.debian.org" has recently been set up in Japan, with
>>   the help of SAKURA Internet, Inc.</p>
>>
>> (Should the quotes around security.debian.org be <q> tags or <tt> tags
>> or what?  And how about http://ishikari.sakura.ad.jp/index_eng.html?)
>>  
> IIRC there was a mirror in that region but was changed. Without some
> historical data we can at this time only guess without some input from a
> member of the mirrors team. In the meantime I've changed the order of
> wording in the paragraph to sidestep the exact why and focus more on the
> what.

So now it's:

 <p>
 The Debian Project is pleased to announce with the help of SAKURA Internet, Inc,
 a new host behind security.debian.org. The new mirror which resides in Japan,
 will be able to serve the Asia region.
 </p>

Two problems - the first line now seems to say that they're just
helping us to announce this, and the punctuation of the descriptive
relative clause in the second line is wrong.  Try:
 <p>
 The Debian Project is pleased to announce that thanks to the help of SAKURA
 Internet, Inc, there is a new host behind security.debian.org. The new mirror,
 which resides in Japan, will be able to serve the Asia region.
 </p>

This could be improved if we knew for sure what we were announcing!

[...]
>>   <p>This hardware and hosting donation will allow the Debian Systems
>>   Administration (DSA) team to improve Debian's core services by providing
>>   a security mirror archive for the Asia/Pacific region, and another
>>   step towards decentralized and stable security mirror access for the
>>   whole world.</p>
> I committed your suggestion with a few slight wording changes for
> clarification. The mirror is for Asia not Asia/Pacific, and removed
> whole world to world since that is part of the decentralized mirror scheme.

I don't really follow your reasoning for dropping "whole", but more
importantly you also dropped the article, making it ungrammatical
again - make it "for the world".

(When we say "Asia", do we really mean the continent of Asia?  Are we
recommending this mirror to Debian users in Syria and Iran?  American
English often seems to use the word "Asia" when what's meant is *East*
Asia; around here on the other hand people say "Asia" when they mean
*South* Asia...)

[...]
>>   wishes to continue supporting the Debian community,</q>
>>   said Kunihiro Tanaka, Founder, CEO, and President of SAKURA Internet.
>>
>> (Also using the same tense for both quotes, and adding a "Harvard
>> comma" to match the list in the next paragraph.)
> Committed, some slight changes.

You undid my change to use the same tense reporting the quotes in both
paragraphs, so one slight change back.  And on second thoughts let's
not bother with a comma at the end of the quotes either.
-- 
JBR	with qualifications in linguistics, experience as a Debian
	sysadmin, and probably no clue about this particular package

# Status: open-for-edit
# $Id$
# $Rev$

## Template for upcoming announcements;  please move it to the YYYY folder, and
## try to name it YYYY-MM-DD-whats-it-about.wml ; that helps a lot keeping
## an overwiew

<define-tag pagetitle>New Debian security mirror for Asia</define-tag>

<define-tag release_date>2015-02-02</define-tag>
#use wml::debian::news

## Translators should uncomment the following line and add their name
## Leaving translation at 1.1 is okay; that's the first version which will
## be added to Debian's webwml repository
##
# #use wml::debian::translation-check translation="1.1" maintainer=""

<p>
The Debian Project is pleased to announce that thanks to the help of SAKURA Internet, Inc,
there is a new host behind security.debian.org. The new mirror, which resides in Japan,
will be able to serve the Asia region.
</p>

<p>
The hardware and hosting donation will allow the Debian Systems Administration 
(DSA) team to improve Debian's core services by providing a security mirror 
archive for Asia and is another step towards decentralized and stable security 
mirror access for the world.
</p>

<p>
<q>In combination with the GeoDNS feature used by Debian, the new mirror should 
speed up downloads for our users in that geographical area drastically. This is 
a welcome improvement in the worldwide coverage of dedicated official 
security.debian.org mirrors, administrated by the Debian project</q> said 
Martin Zobel-Helas, a member of the Debian System Administrator team.
</p>

<p>
<q>SAKURA Internet is a leading Japanese hosting service provider which
hosts many servers running the Debian operating system. SAKURA is very honored 
to have an opportunity to support Debian's security mirror system and wishes 
to continue supporting the Debian community</q> said Kunihiro Tanaka, Founder,
CEO, and President of SAKURA Internet.
</p>

<h2>About SAKURA Internet</h2>

<p>
SAKURA Internet, Inc (3778:Tokyo) is a leading independent Internet Data Center service provider in Japan. The company has been engaging in the provision of Internet services since 1996 and has gained many customers and users through offering server rental services, hosting, VPS, and data center services including Cloud Computing.
</p>

<p>Learn more about SAKURA's newest Data Center at http://ishikari.sakura.ad.jp/index_eng.html</p>

<h2>About Debian</h2>

<p>
The Debian Project was founded in 1993 by Ian Murdock to be a truly
free community project. Since then the project has grown to be one of
the largest and most influential open source projects.  Thousands of
volunteers from all over the world work together to create and
maintain Debian software. Available in 70 languages, and
supporting a huge range of computer types, Debian calls itself the
<q>universal operating system</q>.
</p>

<h2>Contact Information</h2>

<p>For further information, please visit the Debian web pages at
<a href="$(HOME)/">https://www.debian.org/</a> or send mail to
&lt;press@debian.org&gt;.</p>

--- asia-security-mirror.wml.old	2015-01-29 12:18:07.867121979 +0000
+++ asia-security-mirror.wml	2015-01-29 12:46:33.717832604 +0000
@@ -18,8 +18,8 @@
 # #use wml::debian::translation-check translation="1.1" maintainer=""
 
 <p>
-The Debian Project is pleased to announce with the help of SAKURA Internet, Inc, 
-a new host behind security.debian.org. The new mirror which resides in Japan, 
+The Debian Project is pleased to announce that thanks to the help of SAKURA Internet, Inc,
+there is a new host behind security.debian.org. The new mirror, which resides in Japan,
 will be able to serve the Asia region.
 </p>
 
@@ -27,7 +27,7 @@
 The hardware and hosting donation will allow the Debian Systems Administration 
 (DSA) team to improve Debian's core services by providing a security mirror 
 archive for Asia and is another step towards decentralized and stable security 
-mirror access for world.
+mirror access for the world.
 </p>
 
 <p>
@@ -42,7 +42,7 @@
 <q>SAKURA Internet is a leading Japanese hosting service provider which
 hosts many servers running the Debian operating system. SAKURA is very honored 
 to have an opportunity to support Debian's security mirror system and wishes 
-to continue supporting the Debian community,</q> says Kunihiro Tanaka, Founder, 
+to continue supporting the Debian community</q> said Kunihiro Tanaka, Founder,
 CEO, and President of SAKURA Internet.
 </p>