Re: Please review/translate Asia security mirror announcement

[Justin B Rye <justin.byam.rye@gmail.com>]

Paul Wise wrote:
> We would like to send out the announcement of the new security mirror
> for Asia soon (probably on Monday), please review and translate it:
> 
> https://anonscm.debian.org/viewvc/publicity/announcements/en/drafts/asia-security-mirror.wml?view=co

[...]
> <define-tag pagetitle>New Debian security mirror for Asia</define-tag>
> 
> <define-tag release_date>YYYY-MM-DD</define-tag>

(Does this get filled in at the last moment?)

> #use wml::debian::news
> 
> ## Translators should uncomment the following line and add their name
> ## Leaving translation at 1.1 is okay; that's the first version which will
> ## be added to Debian's webwml repository
> ##
> # #use wml::debian::translation-check translation="1.1" maintainer=""
> 
> <p>The Debian Project is pleased to announce that the new host
> behind "security.debian.org" has recently been placed in Japan, with
> the help of SAKURA Internet, Inc.</p>

Why "*the* new host"?  Have we had this host working as a security
mirror for a while before we finally managed to move it to Japan?  Or
has a machine that was already in Japan been set up as a new security
mirror?  The latter would be something more like

  <p>The Debian Project is pleased to announce that a new host
  behind "security.debian.org" has recently been set up in Japan, with
  the help of SAKURA Internet, Inc.</p>

(Should the quotes around security.debian.org be <q> tags or <tt> tags
or what?  And how about http://ishikari.sakura.ad.jp/index_eng.html?)
 
> <p>This hardware and hosting donation will allow the Debian Systems
> Administration (DSA) team to improve Debian's core service: providing
> security mirror archive for Asia/Pacific region and it also would led
> decentralized and stable security mirror access for whole world.</p>

Missing articles followed by more serious problems.  It "would led"?
Is that a wrong form of the slightly wrong verb "lead", or a typo for
the also slightly wrong verb "lend", or what?  My guess:

  <p>This hardware and hosting donation will allow the Debian Systems
  Administration (DSA) team to improve Debian's core services by providing
  a security mirror archive for the Asia/Pacific region, and another
  step towards decentralized and stable security mirror access for the
  whole world.</p>

> <p><q>In combination with the GeoDNS feature used by Debian, this
> should speed up downloads for our users in that geographical area
> drastically. This is a welcome improvement in the worldwide coverage
> of dedicated official security.debian.org mirrors, administrated by
> the Debian project</q> said Martin Zobel-Helas, a member of the Debian
> System Administrator team.

All good except that you just defined DSA as standing for "Debian
SystemS AdministraTION"; so just use the abbreviation -

  the Debian project</q> said Martin Zobel-Helas, a member of the DSA team.

or maybe even (but not in my patch):

  the Debian project</q> said DSA team member Martin Zobel-Helas.

> <p><q>SAKURA Internet is a leading Japanese hosting service provider which
> hosts many servers running the Debian system.  SAKURA is very honored to
> have an opportunity to support Debian by the security mirror system and
> wishes to continue supporting the Debian community.</q>
> says Kunihiro Tanaka, Founder, CEO and President of SAKURA Internet.

Here it's a good quote but the convention is to turn the final period
into a comma when the framing sentence isn't finished yet:

  wishes to continue supporting the Debian community,</q>
  said Kunihiro Tanaka, Founder, CEO, and President of SAKURA Internet.

(Also using the same tense for both quotes, and adding a "Harvard
comma" to match the list in the next paragraph.)

> <h2>About SAKURA Internet</h2>
> 
> <p>SAKURA Internet, Inc (3778:Tokyo) is a leading independent
> Internet Data Center service provider of Japan. The company engages in
> the provision of Internet services since 1996 and has many customers
> and users through offering server rental services, hosting, VPS, and
> data center services including Cloud Computing.</p>     

I don't want to mess around with this too much, but you can't say "X
happens (present tense) since Y" - it needs to be something like "has
been engaging".  And saying that it has customers through something
doesn't quite work either.  Oh, I know:

  <p>SAKURA Internet, Inc (3778:Tokyo) is a leading independent
  Internet Data Center service provider of Japan. The company has been
  engaging in the provision of Internet services since 1996 and has
  gained many customers and users through offering server rental
  services, hosting, VPS, and data center services including Cloud
  Computing.</p>

> <p>Learn more about SAKURA’s newest Data Center at
>  http://ishikari.sakura.ad.jp/index_eng.html</p> 

This contains the only Unicode apostrophe in the text (compare
"Debian's" in the second paragraph).  I'll standardise on ASCII.

> 
> <h2>About Debian</h2>
> 
> <p>
> The Debian Project was founded in 1993 by Ian Murdock to be a truly
> free community project. Since then the project has grown to be one of
> the largest and most influential open source projects.  Thousands of
> volunteers from all over the world work together to create and
> maintain Debian software. Available in 70 languages, and
> supporting a huge range of computer types, Debian calls itself the
> <q>universal operating system</q>.
> </p>

Somebody's proofread these end bits already.
-- 
JBR	with qualifications in linguistics, experience as a Debian
	sysadmin, and probably no clue about this particular package

# Status: open-for-edit
# $Id$
# $Rev$

## Template for upcoming announcements;  please move it to the YYYY folder, and
## try to name it YYYY-MM-DD-whats-it-about.wml ; that helps a lot keeping
## an overwiew

<define-tag pagetitle>New Debian security mirror for Asia</define-tag>

<define-tag release_date>YYYY-MM-DD</define-tag>
#use wml::debian::news

## Translators should uncomment the following line and add their name
## Leaving translation at 1.1 is okay; that's the first version which will
## be added to Debian's webwml repository
##
# #use wml::debian::translation-check translation="1.1" maintainer=""

<p>The Debian Project is pleased to announce that a new host behind
"security.debian.org" has recently been set up in Japan, with the help
of SAKURA Internet, Inc.</p>

<p>This hardware and hosting donation will allow the Debian Systems
Administration (DSA) team to improve Debian's core services by
providing a security mirror archive for the Asia/Pacific region, and
another step towards decentralized and stable security mirror access
for the whole world.</p>

<p><q>In combination with the GeoDNS feature used by Debian, this
should speed up downloads for our users in that geographical area
drastically. This is a welcome improvement in the worldwide coverage
of dedicated official security.debian.org mirrors, administrated by
the Debian project</q> said Martin Zobel-Helas, a member of the DSA
team.

<p><q>SAKURA Internet is a leading Japanese hosting service provider
which hosts many servers running the Debian system.  SAKURA is very
honored to have an opportunity to support Debian by the security
mirror system and wishes to continue supporting the Debian
community,</q> said Kunihiro Tanaka, Founder, CEO, and President of
SAKURA Internet.

<h2>About SAKURA Internet</h2>

<p>SAKURA Internet, Inc (3778:Tokyo) is a leading independent Internet
Data Center service provider of Japan. The company has been engaging
in the provision of Internet services since 1996 and has gained many
customers and users through offering server rental services, hosting,
VPS, and data center services including Cloud Computing.</p>

<p>Learn more about SAKURA's newest Data Center at
http://ishikari.sakura.ad.jp/index_eng.html</p>

<h2>About Debian</h2>

<p>
The Debian Project was founded in 1993 by Ian Murdock to be a truly
free community project. Since then the project has grown to be one of
the largest and most influential open source projects.  Thousands of
volunteers from all over the world work together to create and
maintain Debian software. Available in 70 languages, and
supporting a huge range of computer types, Debian calls itself the
<q>universal operating system</q>.
</p>

<h2>Contact Information</h2>

<p>For further information, please visit the Debian web pages at
<a href="$(HOME)/">https://www.debian.org/</a> or send mail to
&lt;press@debian.org&gt;.</p>

--- asia-security-mirror.wml.old	2015-01-29 00:42:32.612981458 +0000
+++ asia-security-mirror.wml	2015-01-29 01:28:41.536876906 +0000
@@ -17,23 +17,40 @@
 ##
 # #use wml::debian::translation-check translation="1.1" maintainer=""
 
-<p>The Debian Project is pleased to announce that the new host behind "security.debian.org" has recently been placed in Japan, with the help of SAKURA Internet, Inc.</p>
-
-<p>This hardware and hosting donation will allow the Debian Systems Administration (DSA) team to improve Debian's core service: providing security mirror archive for Asia/Pacific region and it also would led decentralized and stable security mirror access for whole world.</p>
-
-<p><q>In combination with the GeoDNS feature used by Debian, this should speed up downloads for our users in that geographical area drastically. This is a welcome improvement in the worldwide coverage of dedicated official security.debian.org mirrors, administrated by the Debian project</q> said Martin Zobel-Helas, a member of the Debian System Administrator team.
-
-<p><q>SAKURA Internet is a leading Japanese hosting service provider which
-hosts many servers running the Debian system.  SAKURA is very honored to
-have an opportunity to support Debian by the security mirror system and
-wishes to continue supporting the Debian community.</q>
-says Kunihiro Tanaka, Founder, CEO and President of SAKURA Internet.
+<p>The Debian Project is pleased to announce that a new host behind
+"security.debian.org" has recently been set up in Japan, with the help
+of SAKURA Internet, Inc.</p>
+
+<p>This hardware and hosting donation will allow the Debian Systems
+Administration (DSA) team to improve Debian's core services by
+providing a security mirror archive for the Asia/Pacific region, and
+another step towards decentralized and stable security mirror access
+for the whole world.</p>
+
+<p><q>In combination with the GeoDNS feature used by Debian, this
+should speed up downloads for our users in that geographical area
+drastically. This is a welcome improvement in the worldwide coverage
+of dedicated official security.debian.org mirrors, administrated by
+the Debian project</q> said Martin Zobel-Helas, a member of the DSA
+team.
+
+<p><q>SAKURA Internet is a leading Japanese hosting service provider
+which hosts many servers running the Debian system.  SAKURA is very
+honored to have an opportunity to support Debian by the security
+mirror system and wishes to continue supporting the Debian
+community,</q> said Kunihiro Tanaka, Founder, CEO, and President of
+SAKURA Internet.
 
 <h2>About SAKURA Internet</h2>
 
-<p>SAKURA Internet, Inc (3778:Tokyo) is a leading independent Internet Data Center service provider of Japan. The company engages in the provision of Internet services since 1996 and has many customers and users through offering server rental services, hosting, VPS, and data center services including Cloud Computing.</p>
+<p>SAKURA Internet, Inc (3778:Tokyo) is a leading independent Internet
+Data Center service provider of Japan. The company has been engaging
+in the provision of Internet services since 1996 and has gained many
+customers and users through offering server rental services, hosting,
+VPS, and data center services including Cloud Computing.</p>
 
-<p>Learn more about SAKURA’s newest Data Center at http://ishikari.sakura.ad.jp/index_eng.html</p>
+<p>Learn more about SAKURA's newest Data Center at
+http://ishikari.sakura.ad.jp/index_eng.html</p>
 
 <h2>About Debian</h2>