Somebody needs to reimplement CPAN in Bash just so we can bootstrap a
totally broken Perl without needing to run out and buy a new computer.
I mean, how hard can it be (assuming you grok what CPAN actually
*does*, which I don't yet, and know Bash, which I know just enough
of to make Greg Wooledge hate me)?
CPAN is a repository for Perl modules the same way that
debian.org provides a repository for Debian packages. You can
access it several different ways, but in general using the
Debian dh-make-perl package to pull a CPAN module and convert it
into a .deb will make you happiest, especially if you have to
install it on more than one machine.