> I would like to publish this article this week.
> The debian-partners address issue should be solved before. At least
> someone should read the inbox.
It should be okay soon in that case. The only problem that I can see at the moment is the third paragraph (see below). Apart from that it looks good to me.
> FLOSS is not ambiguous .
Forgive me, it's American culture spreading its idea of dental hygiene globally.
> There are some whiteboard webmeeting apps. And the ikiwiki worflow to
> give a serious try . I tried it a bit some time ago.
> For now, you could use the "information" link at right menu bar  to
> view previous versions, differences and roll back if needed.
> But there is no merging between apart versions. And if you roll back,
> the versions after that previous versions are lost. Beware of it.
> It is better to view that previous version, copy the desired text and
> then paste into the recent version.
I thought so too.
In that case what might be handy is to have an unedited clean copy easily available. It's handy sometimes to have the original to hand to be able to cross check that none of the original meaning has been accidentally switched in the edit.
This is the paragraph that's giving me the most problems at the moment:
During a discussion panel with the LUG Debian RS, mediated by the Associacao Software Livre at Debian Day Porto Alegre, SERPRO heard suggestions on how to encourage participation of key employees, avoid internal forks of FLOSS projects, and modify its internal culture to relax project controls which are too tight. These will increase collaboration with, and gain the respect of the community for mutual benefit, improving communications, and so lead to better operational performance.
1). The first sentence is working a bit too hard. It should read ideally:
During a discussion panel SERPRO heard suggestions...
I suppose you could try rewriting it:
During a discussion panel at Debian Day Porto Alegre which was held with the LUG Debian RS, mediated by the Associacao Software Livre, SERPRO heard suggestions....
During a discussion panel which was held with the LUG Debian RS, mediated by the Associacao Software Livre, SERPRO heard suggestions....
Or one of my favourites at the moment - shove all the extra information into brackets:
During a discussion panel with the LUG Debian RS (mediated by the Associacao Software Livre at Debian Day Porto Alegre) SERPRO heard suggestions...
It's up to you, choose which you prefer.
2). The last sentence is also working a bit hard:
These will increase collaboration with, and gain the respect of the community for mutual benefit, improving communications, and so lead to better operational performance.
Maybe split it into two sentences?
This will increase collaboration with, and gain the respect of, the community for the mutual benefit of both. Consequently communications between SERPRO and the Debian community will be improved and the operational performance of SERPRO's production systems will be enhanced.
It's only a suggestion as it stands - you might leak to tweak it a bit depending on how heavily you'd like to push the case.
>  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FLOSS
>  http://dpn.debian.net
> Em Sáb, 2008-08-30 às 21:33 +0100, Jon Evans escreveu:
> > Hello Andre, Graham,
> > What sort of deadline are you looking for with this article? Just out
> > of interest.
> > Personally I like the $1 billion dollars in the opening paragraph. It
> > hooks them nice and early.
> > Is it FLOSS or FOSS?
> > I wonder if there isn't someway to work on the article more
> > collaboratively? It would be handy as well if we could preserve the
> > older editions as we work, that way it's always possible to go back if
> > we should need to.
> > It's good to see you working with your key audience in mind - keep it
> > up!!!
> > Jon