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Re: Press Anouncement preparation for Sarge r3



martin f krafft wrote:
> > ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> > The Debian Project                                http://www.debian.org/
> > Debian GNU/Linux 3.1 updated                            press@debian.org
> > September 1st, 2006             http://www.debian.org/News/2006/20060901
> 
> s/1st/1/
> 
> Also, consider "1 September 2006" instead, which seems to be more,
> uh, international. :)

Rejected.

> > ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> > 
> > Debian GNU/Linux 3.1 updated
> > 
> > This is the third update of Debian GNU/Linux 3.1 (codename `sarge').
> 
> I would make the title "New revision of Debian GNU/Linux 3.1
> released", because you are talking about "This" in the sentence, and
> somehow there's no "this" introduced previously.
> 
> Or state something like "The Debian project released the third
> revision ... . This is the third update ..."

It's now:

The Debian project has updated the stable distribution Debian GNU/Linux
3.1 (codename `sarge'). This update mainly adds security updates to the
stable release, along with a few corrections to serious problems.  Those
who frequently update from security.debian.org won't have to update many
packages and most updates from security.debian.org are included in this
update.

> > Please note that this update does not produce a new version of Debian
> 
> s/produce/constitute/

Good.

> > GNU/Linux 3.1 but only adds a few updated packages to it.  There is no
> 
> s/adds a few updated packages to it/updates a few of its packages/
> 
> > need to throw away 3.1 CDs but only to update against ftp.debian.org
> 
> s/ but only/. Instead you need only/
> s/against/from/
> 
> > after an installation, in order to incorporate those changes.  New CD
> > and DVD images are being built right now and will be available soon
> > at the regular locations.

It's now:

Please note that this update does not constitute a new version of Debian
GNU/Linux 3.1 but only updates some of the packages included.  There is no
need to throw away 3.1 CDs.  Instead you only need to update against
ftp.debian.org or a mirror after an installation, in order to incorporate
those changes.  New CD and DVD images are being built right now and will
be available soon at the regular locations.

> > Upgrading to this revision online is usually done by pointing the
> 
> s/online/on network-connected machines/

Rejected.

> > Debian-Installer Update
> > -----------------------
> > 
> > In order to add recent security updates for the Linux kernel to the
> 
> s/In order t/T/
> s/updates for/updates to/
> 
> > installer and to reflect a binary interface change due to these
> 
> s/ and/, and/
> 
> > updates the Debian installer has been updated as well.  To accomplish
> 
> s/updates/updates,/
> 
> > this the following packages also required an update: base-config,
> > base-installer, debian-installer, preseed.
> 
> I'd say "Therefore, the following packages were also updates:"

It's now:

In order to make available updated Linux kernel packages in the Debian
installer it had to be updated as well.  To accomplish this the following
packages also required an update: base-config, base-installer,
debian-installer, preseed.

> > 
> > This revision adds the following security updates to the stable release.
> > The Security Team has already released an advisory for each of these
> > updates. The security fixes of the kernel have been delayed to the next
> 
> A link to the DSA index page would be nice.

Why is a link to the DSA index page not sufficient?

|Security announcements and information:
|
|  <http://www.debian.org/security/>

> > point release due to constraints with the installer, please update the
> > kernel images from security.debian.org.
> 
> Just earlier, you stated that security updates to the kernel
> required a d-i rebuild. Maybe it would make sense to provide more
> details why "security fixes of the kernel have been delayed" now.

Ah, sorry, that's a cut'n'waste error, removed.

> > The current stable distribution:
> > 
> >   <ftp://ftp.debian.org/debian/dists/stable>
> 
> Any reason for ftp:// ? http:// also works and it's more
> efficient...

Historical, changed.

> > About Debian
> > ------------
> > 
> > The Debian Project is an organisation of Free Software developers who
> 
> s/organisation of/organisation by/
> 
> Note that organisation is the British spelling (s instead of the US
> z). Earlier, you said "September 1st", which is more US (albeit also
> used in UK).
> 
> I welcome the British spelling and would rather see you replace the
> date with the "international format".
> 
> > volunteer their time and effort in order to produce the completely
> 
> s/in order to/to/
> 
> > free operating systems Debian GNU/Linux.
> 
> s/free/Free/ ?

It's now:

The Debian Project is an association of Free Software developers who
volunteer their time and effort in order to produce the completely
free operating systems Debian GNU/Linux.

> > Contact Information
> > -------------------
> > 
> > For further information, please visit the Debian web pages at
> > <http://www.debian.org/> or send mail to <press@debian.org> or
> 
> s/ or send/, send/
> s/ or/, or/

Ok.

Regards,

	Joey

-- 
Everybody talks about it, but nobody does anything about it!  -- Mark Twain



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