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Re: *** Draft 7 - Press Release ***

> Mainly I have fixed up the spelling and grammar. I apologise to all that
> fretted over the quality of the last draft. I was in a bit of a rush to
> release it, and rushing only seems to make things worse.

Sorry if it seemed like I was jumping down your throat.  I still have a few

> This update brings
> advanced collection of low-level features.

Nawf gargle zous...

[* Compatibility with BSD and Windows NT filesystems enables Linux 2.2
  to seamlessly handle existing UNIX and NT data. *]

Nice way of handling write inaccessibility. =)  I would keep this or something
like it, because there are lots of people with lots of time and money invested in
NT, and it helps to know that you can incrementally change over from the Dark
Side.  Actually, the next bullet is better:

* With compatibility for BSD and Windows NT filesystems, Linux 2.2 helps
  you leverage your existing UNIX and NT data today. SAMBA
  <http://www.samba.org> enables NT sharing from Linux. Linux 2.2 provides you
  with a strong upgrade path from your present Windows NT systems tomorrow.

Though I would clear up the SAMBA bit.  Maybe, "SAMBA...allows Linux servers to
masquerade as NT servers to other Windows clients" or something like that.  Every
time I heard samba described by someone at work, that is the way they would
describe it.

[, and eager
users are already reaping its benefits.]

Uggggggg... This is not really necessary.  Press releases should be somewhat
bland in tone.  I'm not saying it shouldn't support Linux, but there should be
very little unnecessary information.  Think of it like a biased news article.

[It can also breathe life into older machines--even
386- and 486-based computers! ]

Exclamation points are not really appropriate for press releases.  IMO.  On the
same note, I would replace "blockbuster movie" with "film" or something equally
bland.  I'm also not convinced that this is a "widely-known example," except
amongst Linux enthusiasts.

[Support is widely available via both from distribution vendors and third

Ack.. =)  "Support is available from both distribution vendors and third parties"
would be better.  And you still haven't answered the question of what a
"cost-effective internet group" is.  That statement doesn't really say anything
to a PHB who's going to be reading this.  He's immediately going to think
#teensex on IRC and forget about the whole deal.

[Linux is provided
under an unlimited-use license that lets users make in-house customizations to
the system itself.]

Nothing about the unlimited-use part of the GPL lets users make in-house
customizations.  It's the mandatory distribution of the source code along with
any distribution of binaries that makes this possible.  A short blurb about the
open source paradigm would be in order.  E.g., from the last draft I wrote:

" * An open development model, which enables any user to modify the
   operating system components and submit patches to the official
   distribution.  This both facilitates the development of new
   features and enables users to repair problems within hours after
   they have been located."

The GNOME/KDE/Enlightenment paragraph is too specific -- remember that this is
primarily about the kernel itself, so mentions of other specific programs may not
be appropriate, and almost certainly will be confusing to readers who know
nothing about them.  If I didn't know what they were, it would not be clear to me
exactly what GNOME/KDE/Enlightenment are, aside from names describing some aspect
of the GUI.  I don't think it needs to be that specific.

Good work so far, though.  Like I said, I'm being nitpicky for a reason; none of
this criticism is meant to be taken personally.


Kyle R. Rose                          "They can try to bind our arms,
Laboratory for Computer Science        but they cannot chain our
MIT NE43-309, 617-253-5883             minds or hearts..."
http://web.mit.edu/krr/www/                              Stratovarius
krose@theory.lcs.mit.edu                                 Forever Free

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