I get to hope

[Sam Hartman <hartmans@debian.org>]

>>>>> "gagz" == gagz  <gagz@immerda.ch> writes:

    gagz> sam:
    >> I personally hope that we choose to respect people always--even
    >> when they do not respect us in return.

    gagz> If you also mean "we choose to always respect people, even
    gagz> when they did not respect us before", then take a punch in
    gagz> your face 50 times a day and try to gently ask for help. You
    gagz> will scream, I would bet!

When you say that you cannot bring respect to people who have been
violent to you, I understand.
I'm not talking about what *you should do*.
And I understand that bringing that respect is almost impossible if you
haven't made it a significant  aspect of your life to do the work to
provide that sort of respect.
Even if you have it's really difficult and you will sometimes fail.

But when you tell me that *i do not get to hope for that*--when you
presume that I don't know how hard it is, you go too far.
That is an attack on my identity that I feel more strongly than an
attack on me because I'm blind or queer.
I know; I've experienced all of the above.
I do not presume to know what it is like living in your skin; I ask that
you extend me the same.

More than anything else, I want--I hope for--a world of compassion.
It's something thatI've spent years of my life on.
It's something that I've taken religious vows to support.
And no it is not easy.
And no I don't expect others to be able to  do that, and I understand
(although sometimes disagree) when they do not.

BUT I GET TO HOPE AND DREAM FOR the WORLD IN WHICH I WISH TO LIVE.
And I am still a supporter of  your humanity, your journey even when I
hope for a kind of compassion that you (and sometimes I) are unable or
unwilling to deliver.
Even if you don't share my hope.

I do not turn my hopes into expectations for you.  My hopes do influence
how I think about some things in Debian.  I do hope we find more
compassion.  I do hope that we find ways of deescalating conflict.  We
must not compromise on treating people with dignity and respect
regardless of how they identify themselves.  We cannot compromise with
people who would deny that basic humanity.

But yes, when people are exposed to violence, they are going to lash out
like Tina did.  I get that.
And to respect Tina and your humanity (and everyone else walking a
similar path), we need to listen to you when you lash out.  We need to
make sure that civility does not become a tool to trample dignity.