Request for Kernel Patch to eliminate Retroactive Temporal Filesave Malfunction
What is a Retroactive Temporal Filesave Malfunction, or RTFM for short?
Well, it's a well-known scientific fact that there is an emergent
property of the IDE standard as implemented on most computers (and this
is shared with SCSI) which affects the flow of time. It's all to do with
relativity.
As you all know, computers have a powerful effect on the local flow of
time : it appears to flow much slower to anyone in physical contact with
one, even if this contact is only via a joystick or gamepad and - this
is important - _even if the computer isn't switched on_ . How many hours
have you blissfully spent up to your elbows in parts, while the rest of
the family scream at you to come and get your tea? There you go, then.
Now, this particular property of the IDE standard works, very roughly,
thus: the act of backing up sensitive data once in a while creates an
anomaly in the local timeflow. It has been suggested that this somehow
results from the flow of data back down the cable along which it was
originally restored triggering a reversal of a discrete element of
space-time. This discrete element is almost inevitably (99 times out of
100) the backup process itself, and the paradoxal consequence is that
the act of backing up sensitive data causes a space-time hiccup in which
the data is irretrievably lost. This rarely occurs more than 24-48 hours
before the backup, which as a consequence *now has never taken place.*
It may be a problem of accumulated potential being flushed out by the
massive transfer of data, as it has been proved that regular and
frequent backups reduce the occurrence and severity of the phenomenon
drastically.
However, it has also been postulated that by implementing a patch which
consists of bypassing the Limited and Unsatisafctory Safeguard
Eradication Routines (LUSERs) in the kernel, this problem can be
overcome once and for all. With the forthcoming stabilisation of sarge,
this kernel mod is really terribly overdue and I cannot but urge Mr
Herrenschmidt and his colleagues to give this problem their utmost priority.
Rose Humphrey
Disclaimer: Any person or persons suffering from acute Sense Of Humour
Failure after reading this message should consult the nearest brick wall :p
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