Bug#782695: Bug#782404: release-notes: re-proofreading
Niels Thykier wrote in #782404:
> I just applied the patch in #782695 and I hope I can convince you to
> review it as well. :)
At a first glance I thought that patch only needed a couple of trivial
fixes - the spelling of "fulfil", some phrasing tweaks - but once I'd
taken it apart I couldn't get it to fit back together nicely. I think
what I've ended up with is saying the same thing more clearly, but I
may be overdoing it, so I'd better CC Andreas.
Commentary:
<section id="debian-med">
<title>News from Debian Med Blend</title>
- <para>The Debian Med team has increased the number of packages in the
- field of biology and medicine again by a large amount. However, not only
This isn't so much a "however" as a "moreover".
- the number of packages was increased but also the quality of packages in
"Not only the FOO was BARred but also the BAZ" would be relatively
idiomatic; appending "was QUUXed" makes it hard to parse.
- terms of testing (at package build time as well as autopkgtest) was
- enhanced and supports the demand of Debian Med in a scientific
It's not clear if this is a demand by, for, or on Debian Med. I think
it's saying that scientists are requesting results, and Debian Med is
supporting their demands - but that makes it sound like a petition.
- environment to fullfill the request of scientists for reproducible
x x
- results. These enhancements are reflected by version 2.0 of the Debian
The enhancements in the Blend are reflected by the Blend?
- Med metapackages. Feel free to visit the
I'm fairly sure I already was free to visit your web page!
- <ulink url="http://blends.debian.org/med/tasks";>Debian Med tasks pages</ulink>
- to see the full range of biological and medical software inside Debian.
s/inside/in/
My attempt:
+ <para>The Debian Med team has again considerably increased not only the number
+ of packages in the fields of biology and medicine but also their quality in
+ terms of testing (at package build time as well as autopkgtest). These
+ enhancements in version 2.0 of the Debian Med Blend metapackages reflect the
+ demand from scientists for reliable software to provide reproducible results.
+ Visit the <ulink url="http://blends.debian.org/med/tasks";>Debian Med tasks
+ pages</ulink> to see the full range of biological and medical software in
+ Debian.
</para>
</section>
--
JBR with qualifications in linguistics, experience as a Debian
sysadmin, and probably no clue about this particular package
Index: en/whats-new.dbk
===================================================================
--- en/whats-new.dbk (revision 10775)
+++ en/whats-new.dbk (working copy)
@@ -531,16 +531,14 @@
</section>
<section id="debian-med">
<title>News from Debian Med Blend</title>
- <para>The Debian Med team has increased the number of packages in the
- field of biology and medicine again by a large amount. However, not only
- the number of packages was increased but also the quality of packages in
- terms of testing (at package build time as well as autopkgtest) was
- enhanced and supports the demand of Debian Med in a scientific
- environment to fullfill the request of scientists for reproducible
- results. These enhancements are reflected by version 2.0 of the Debian
- Med metapackages. Feel free to visit the
- <ulink url="http://blends.debian.org/med/tasks";>Debian Med tasks pages</ulink>
- to see the full range of biological and medical software inside Debian.
+ <para>The Debian Med team has again considerably increased not only the number
+ of packages in the fields of biology and medicine but also their quality in
+ terms of testing (at package build time as well as autopkgtest). These
+ enhancements in version 2.0 of the Debian Med Blend metapackages reflect the
+ demand from scientists for reliable software to provide reproducible results.
+ Visit the <ulink url="http://blends.debian.org/med/tasks";>Debian Med tasks
+ pages</ulink> to see the full range of biological and medical software in
+ Debian.
</para>
</section>
</section>
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