Re: to help us lighten up...
Hi girls,
I really enjoyed Pete Templin's message about OS brews and, since it
didn't mention Linux in particular, I thought you folks would relate
better to this one... Sincere apologies for loading this otherwise
serious list with another joke but I think the Linux bit really gets
to the point. ;)
--
Papy-EFB
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Peg: "What are you thinking?"
Al : "If I wanted you to know, I'd be talking instead of thinking."
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Author: Mike Werner/Marketing/Paris/SITA/WW (09/13/96)
Category: Other
Subject: If Airlines were run like operating systems
Straight from the 'Net':
DOS Air Passengers walk out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane, push
it until it gets in the air, hop on, then jump off when it hits the
ground. They grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop on, jump
off...
Mac Airways The cashiers, flight attendants, and pilots all look the same,
talk the same, and act the same. When you ask them questions about the
flight, they reply that you don't want to know, don't need to know, and
would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.
Windows Airlines The terminal is neat and clean, the attendants courteous,
the pilots capable. The fleet of Lear jets the carrier operates is
immense. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushes above the clouds, and,
at 20,000 feet, explodes without warning.
OS/2 Skyways The terminal is almost empty - only a few prospective
passengers mill about. The announcer says that a flight has just departed,
although no planes appear to be on the runway. Airline personnel apologize
profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time to the
sleek, powerful jets outside. They tell each passenger how great the
flight will be on these new jets and how much safer it will be than
Windows Airlines, but they will have to wait a little longer for the
technicians to finish the flight systems. Maybe until mid-1995. Maybe
longer.
Fly Windows NT Passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac and place
them in the outline of a plane. They sit down, flap their arms, and make
jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying.
UNIX Express Passengers bring a piece of the airplane and a box of tools
with them to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing about what
kind of plane they want to build. The passengers split into groups and
build several different aircraft but give them all the same name. Only
some passengers reach their destinations, but all of them believe they
arrived.
VMS Virtual Mobile Syndicate A large black jet whick looks like something
Darth Vader would fly on weekends. No one is allowed to look under the
hood. The plane is unresponsive, moves and steers like a cow. All controls
come with preset defaults, most of which are unchangeable. The operating
instructions for the plane occupy its own hanger.
IBM's OS/360 Air Tram A group of engineers led by Fred Brooks walk out on
the runway and start assembling a plane. As the departure time approaches,
more engineers are added to the plane's construction but assembly is only
slower than before. By the time the plane is fully assembled, a new mode
of propulsion has been invented. The greatest contribution of the OS/360
Air Tram is the inflight magazine, "The Mythical Man Monthly".
Linux People's Express A single passenger from the Unix Express wanders
over to his own portion of the runway and starts to assemble his own
plane. As the plane gets closer to completion, other passengers leave Unix
Express to help him with assembly. A small, sleek, responsive plane is
finally built. However, before each flight, a group of engineers yank
parts from the plane and replace them with the latest and greatest
components. A new engine is available weekly. Planes from Linux's
"People's Express" are available through mail order kits. (Some assemble
required.)
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