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Re: Debian backed by HP (pr preview 4)



> = Debian welcomes HP's support =
> 
> As the first tier-one  vendor, HP announced 
> ( http://www.hp.com/hpinfo/newsroom/press/2006/060814a.html )
> that it has increased Linux distribution support options for 
> customers and expanded its portfolio to include support 
> for Debian GNU / Linux.

That reads almost identical to the HP release.  Ripping off HP's
press release in your own press release could be a PR disaster and a
half.  It would reinforce all the negative open source stereotypes as
well.

What does "As the first "tier-one vendor" mean?  They were the first to
support debian?  The first in the history of computing?  It's unclear
and it probably also qualifies as jargon.  

Maybe something more like:


With its announcement on Monday the 14th of August, 
( http://www.hp.com/hpinfo/newsroom/press/2006/060814a.html ) HP became
the first tier one vendor (of what?) to support Debian GNU / Linux 

I'm late to the party here and know you are on a tight time
schedule so I'll leave the rest alone, but for God's sakes change those
lines.

I'll subscribe to this list and see if I can help with this
kind of stuff more in the future. I didn't realize there was a place
for liberal arts students to be useful around here.



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