andremachado wrote:
> As the first tier-one world class vendor
I'd suggest dropping this fairly strange string of adjectives.
> The new support services offering leverages the knowledge of 6500
> professionals worldwide dedicated to open source, at the company that for the
> four fiscal quarters ended April 30, 2006, had revenue totaled $88.9 billion.
^^^^^ ^^^^^^^
ending totaling
>
> HP already offered special support contract services (http://www.hp.com/linux
> ) for customized Debian version for corporate customers, most at telecom
^ ^^^^ ^^
a mostly? for the
> industry ( http://www.progeny.com/customers/hp.htm ).
>
> == HP and Debian Project ==
>
> This is not the first time HP shows appreciation for Debian GNU/Linux, being
^^^^^
has shown
> involved with Debian Project since 1995.
> HP is a sponsor and colaborator of Debian Project, donating hosting and
> bandwidth for various servers of the project. Also, uses Debian GNU / Linux as
^
HP
> a reference developer platform (
> http://opensource.hp.com/opensource_projects.html )
> Already uses Debian GNU / Linux in its print server devices and Network
^
HP already
> Attached Storage (NAS).
>
> The CTO, Bdale Garbee, is a Debian Developer, and was elected Debian Project
> Leader for a mandate (
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
???????
> http://www.debian.org/doc/manuals/project-history/ch-leaders ) and in august
> 2006 was elected (
> http://www.spi-inc.org/news-items/new-spi-board-of-directors-and-officers.html/
> ) volunteer board president of Software in the Public Interest, SPI (
> http://www.spi-inc.org ) that is the legal face of the Debian Project.
>
> Bruce Perens ( http://www.perens.com ) was already an employee of HP (
^^^^^^^
previously or also
> http://www.perens.com/Articles/Bio.html ) , and also an elected Debian Project
> Leader ( http://www.debian.org/doc/manuals/project-history/ch-leaders) and the
> previous volunteer board president of SPI.
>
> The HP open source team has a good expertise already. In 2005, among 48,000
^
remove
Above are the most glaring problems, however even with these fixed it
scans as being written by someone for whom English is not a first
language, and could stand a rewrite, IMHO. (No offense intended.)
--
see shy jo
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