Re: Bug#816159: www.debian.org: new introduction for blends page
[Someone dropped -blends, re-added]
On Mon, Feb 29, 2016 at 11:34 PM, Justin B Rye wrote:
> Iain R. Learmonth wrote:
>> Could someone take a look at the wording for this to ensure it's understandable
>> by non-technical users and to ensure that it's easily translatable.
>>
>> Please keep the bug in CC, I'm not subscribed to debian-l10n-english.
>
> Quoting that proposed text:
> # <p>
> # A general purpose operating system like Debian can be the perfect solution for
> # many different areas of life.
> # Whether you want Debian to work for you in the classroom, as a games machine,
> # or in the office, each area has its own unique needs and requires a
> # different subset of packages tailored in a different way.
> # </p>
> #
> # <p>
> # Debian Pure Blends are a solution for groups of people with specific needs.
> # Not only do they provide handy collections (meta-packages) of specific packages,
> # but they also ease installation and configuration for the intended purpose.
> # They cover the interests of different groups of people, who might be children,
> # scientists, gamers, lawyers, medical staff, visually impaired people, etc.
> # Their common goal is to make installation and administration of computers
> # for their target audience as easy as possible and to connect their audience
> # with the people who write or package software for that audience.
> # </p>
>
> It's all okay, but there is room for improvement in that last
> sentence. How about:
>
> Their common goal is to make computer installation and administration
> as easy as possible for their target audience, and to connect that audience
> with the people who write or package software.
The changes there are:
Ordering in the easy/target part of the first part of the sentence. Looks good
their audience -> that audience. Looks good.
Dropping "for that audience" from the end of the sentence. This is a
fairly crucial part of the sentence and much of the point of the
previous equivalent of this sentence.
For reference, the original read like this:
The common goal of those is to make 12 installation and administration
of computers for their target users as easy as 13 possible, and to
serve in the role as the missing link between software 14 developers
and users well.
https://anonscm.debian.org/viewvc/webwml/webwml/english/blends/index.wml?revision=1.2&view=markup
So, I would propose to modify your version to this:
Their common goal is to make computer installation and administration
as easy as possible for their target audience, and to connect that audience
with the people who write or package software for it.
I'm not sure "for it" conveys exactly the right emphasis but I'm not
sure how else to word it.
--
bye,
pabs
https://wiki.debian.org/PaulWise
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