[Date Prev][Date Next] [Thread Prev][Thread Next] [Date Index] [Thread Index]

Re: (forw) [RFR] D-I Manual: new section on how to load firmware during installs



Christian Perrier forwarded:
> From: Frans Pop <elendil@planet.nl>
[...]
> - http://people.debian.org/~fjp/tmp/d-i/manual/ch06s04.html
[...]
> - http://people.debian.org/~fjp/tmp/d-i/manual/ch02s02.html
> - http://people.debian.org/~fjp/tmp/d-i/manual/ch06s03.html

First, my previous comment on ch08s04:
| "To submit bugs, look at /usr/share/doc/debian/bug*"; nothing there.

I should have edited that out after I tracked it back to doc-debian
(Priority: Standard).

But now finishing off with a review of the appendices.

apas03
Paragraph 11 has "defines from where the packages will be
retrieved", again pointlessly avoiding the natural (and 100%
grammatical) phrasing "defines where the packages will be retrieved
from". 

apbs02
8.2 paragraph 2 is suffering from a milder outbreak of the same
affliction:
 You will first need to create a preconfiguration file and place it
 in the location from where you want to use it.
Make that "place it in the location you want to use it from".

8.2.1 paragraph 3 has an odd "might" where I'd expect "can".

8.2.1 paragraph 4 has "a md5sum" - no, that's AN em-dee-five-sum.

8.2.2 paragraph 3's final sentence has
  the value for the variable will not be copied to the debconf
  database in the target system and thus remain unused during the
  configuration of the relevant package 
The "not" also negates the "remain", unless we add another "will":
  the value for the variable will not be copied to the debconf
  database in the target system and will thus remain unused during
  the configuration of the relevant package

8.2.3's third bulletpoint:
 if there's no /'s after the hostname
Just make that:
 if there is no / after the hostname

A couple of paragraphs later:
  and if you do, it is reasonable to use the auto-install namespace
  for this. So one might have something like auto-install/style
  which is then used in your scripts.
Is that the formal generic pronoun "one"?  If so, it's a failure of
person-agreement; switch it back to "So you might [...]".

apcs02
The final bulletpoint assumes that all users are male:
 * /home: every user will put his personal data into a subdirectory
  of this directory. Its size depends on how many users will be
  using the system and what files are to be stored in their
  directories.
Given that it's already talking about plural users, this is easy:
 * /home: users will each put their personal data into a
  subdirectory of this directory. [...]
But actually I'd rewrite it:
 * /home: each user's personal data will be put in a separate
  subdirectory of this directory.
(After all, users don't create those home directories...)

apds03
The last paragraph of D.3.5 has "a /etc/kernel-img.conf".  Maybe
other people pronounce it differently, but for me that's AN.  You
could avoid the issue by saying "the file /etc/kernel-img.conf".

apds06
D.6 paragraph 4 has objectless "allow"s:
 One of those parameters allows to configure the mouse for
 left-handed use. Others allow to select the mouse device (e.g. for
 a serial mouse) and the mouse protocol. 
Make that:
 One of these parameters allows the mouse to be configured for
 left-handed use. Others let you select the mouse device (e.g. for a
 serial mouse) and protocol.

-- 
JBR	with qualifications in linguistics, experience as a Debian
	sysadmin, and probably no clue about this particular package


Reply to: