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Re: Questions regarding wording in DPN #9, #10 and #11

Helge Kreutzmann wrote:
> I'm currently translating those DPN and I noted a couple of phrases
> which sound awkward to me. Since I'm not a native speaker, I'd like to
> get the opinion of a member of this list before changeing them.
> Here goes the list:
> 1) Valessio Brito announced that the work for artwork and themes for
>    the upcoming stable release of Debian GNU/Linux 5.0" Lenny has been
>    started during DebCamp the hacking session before the annual Debian
>    Conference.
>    Besides the missing ", is there a comma after DebCamp?

There should be.  I'm not sure what tense would be appropriate there;
maybe lose the "has been"?
> 2) In the meantime and updated version of the desktop-base package has
>    been uploaded including a new default theme as well as a second
>    one.
>    I'd change "and updated" to "an updated".

I can't tell from reading this what the second one is a second one
of.  A second theme?  A second version?  Neither of those options
quite seems to make sense...
> 3) The main features are, that these Live images are build 100%
>    with packages in Debians main section and different flavours (GNOME,
>    KDE and Xfce as well as a small image without graphical environment.
>    First, I'd remove the comma between "are" and "that", then I'd add
>    a closing bracket at the end of the sentence (before the full
>    stop), but even then I think the sentence does not sound
>    gramatically correct. 

s/100% with/entirely out of/
s/flavour/flavor/ (for en_US)
s/small/lightweight/ (IMHO)
s/without/with no/
> 4) He especially wonders, if whether there's a similar approach for 
>    applications using perl and CGI::Session.
>    I'd s/, if//

Agreed.  Also, being picky, the executable is "perl", the language
is "Perl".
> 5) Since he usually turns that feature of, which seems to him only
>    slow apt down and wastes a lot of bandwidth of our mirror network.
>    First s/of/off/, but still the sentence sounds strange to me.
>    Somehow the "since" does not fit, and s/slow/to slow/ looks missing
>    (but would it then be "to waste" as well?).

You've fixed it:  "only to slow apt down and waste..."

I'd also suggest "a lot of our mirror network's bandwidth".

> 6) This announcement lead to the questions regarding the file transfer
>    between different hosts of the Debian infrastructure.
>    Is "the questions" ok? (I'd simply use "questions")

s/the// there and before "file"; and if it's past tense, I'm sorry,
it's s/lead/led/ - that is:

    This announcement led to questions regarding file transfer
    between different hosts of the Debian infrastructure.
> 7) Regarding the release notes, he asks that any issues that should be 
>    documented should be reported as bug against the release-notes
>    pseudo package.
>    Wouldn't that be "as bugs" (plural), or even better "as a bug"?

Plural issues, plural bugs, even if they're "one each".  But that
first "should" seems to be a subjunctive - try: 

     Regarding the release notes, he asks that any issues that might be
     documented should be reported as bugs against the release-notes

(I'd hyphenate pseudo-package, but it's debatable.)
JBR	with qualifications in linguistics, experience as a Debian
	sysadmin, and probably no clue about this particular package

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