[Resending with attachments compressed]
Alexander Reichle-Schmehl wrote:
> We finished drafting an announcement for a new official mirror in China,
> and would like to ask for reviews and translations.
>
> You can (try to) find it at
> svn+ssh://svn.debian.org/svn/publicity/announcements/en/2011 called
> 2011-05-24-mirror-china.wml, but as alioth is currently a bit glitchy,
Indeed; vasks.debian.org is half convinced it's alioth, but that's not
enough for https...
Inline comments, attached patch and revised version.
> <p>The Debian project is proud to announce the availability of a new primary
> mirror in mainland China. The new mirror, <a href="http://ftp.cn.debian.org";>ftp.cn.debian.org</a>, will
> significantly reduce network latency to the Debian software repositories
> and help to raise Debian's profile in China, and is accessible via IPv4 as well as via IPv6.
Surprising one first: "IPv6 as well as IPv4".
> Beside Debian's package archive, the
Metaphorical "besides" ("additional to"), not literal "beside"
("alongside").
> mirror also offers Debian's CD, DVD and Blu-Ray image archive as well as the
> backports archive, and for user of Debian's oldstable release (<q>Lenny</q>) the Debian
> volatile archive.</p>
s/user/users/, extra commas here and in various places below.
> <p>The Debian team worked with Aron Xu to set up the mirror in China. As Aron
> mentions this will <q>significantly reduce the lag time</q> when syncing with
> Debian's ftp-master server. Previously it was common to have a lag time of about
> two days between a ftp-master and China. With the new primary mirror, the
> mirror team has been able to reduce that time to under six hours for push
> clients and under twelve hours for passive syncing mirrors.</p>
"Mentions" is the wrong word (it implies that it's something
unimportant that he referred to in passing within some context we've
already established), but it's not obvious what the right one is.
I'd suggest something like "To quote Aron, this will [...]"
I always find myself wincing at syncing, but it seems to be an
accepted spelling.
"Between a ftp-master and China" should be "between ftp-master and
[existing mirrors in?] China". Or you could rephrase the whole
sentence... no, never mind.
[...]
> <h2>Usage of the new <tt>ftp.cn.debian.org</tt> mirror</h2>
>
> <p>CD, DVD and Blu-Ray images can either be downloaded from the mirror
> directly via <a
> href="http://ftp.cn.debian.org/debian-cd/";>ftp.cn.debian.org</a>HTTP</a> or by usage
> of the <a href="$(HOME)/CD/jigdo-cd/">jigdo</a> tool.</p>
"Directly via" seems a bit odd... and the two legs of the either/or
don't quite match... and the markup's a bit broken... and whether or
not I use HTTP isn't really the issue... how about:
<p>CD, DVD, and Blu-Ray images can be either be downloaded
<a href="http://ftp.cn.debian.org/debian-cd/";>directly from the mirror</a>
or via the tool <a href="$(HOME)/CD/jigdo-cd/">jigdo</a>.</p>
> <p>Users of the current stable release Debian 6.0 <q>Squeeze</q> should
> replace their existing <tt>/etc/apt/sources.list</tt> with the following one:</p>
Subtract one (here and for 5.0).
[...]
> <p>Optionally user may add the following lines to use backported packages
> for Debian 6.0 <q>Squeeze</q>:</p>
"User may" doesn't work; stick with passives or something. Also,
surely there's no need to repeat "Debian X.Y 'codename'" every single
time? After you've introduced the name you're entitled to use it.
I'm leaning towards "Add the following optional lines to use packages
backported for Squeeze".
> <p>Respectively for backported packages for Debian 5.0 <q>Lenny</q>:</p>
A good demonstration of the rule of thumb that the English for
"beziehungsweise" is "or"!
<p>Or for packages backported for Lenny:</p>
[...]
> <p>Please note that after changing the <tt>sources.list</tt>, users need
> their package manager to update the package index files, e.g. by running
> <code>apt-get update</code>.</p>
They need their package manager to run a command? No, you mean:
<p>Please note that after <tt>sources.list</tt> is changed, users need
to update their package manager's index files, for instance by running
<code>apt-get update</code>.</p>
> <h2>About University of Science and Technology of China</h2>
>
> <p>
> The <a href="http://en.ustc.edu.cn/";>University of Science and Technology of China</a> (USTC) is a national
> research university located in Hefei, China. Founded by the Chinese Academy
> of Science (CAS) in September 1958, USTC is aimed at fostering high-level
> personal of science and technology absolutely necessary for the development
> of the national economy, national defense construction, and education in
> science and technology. The university is regarded as one of the most
> prestigious universities in China.
They don't mean "personal" there, but it's not obvious what they do
mean (for once it's not "personnel"). "Expertise" would fit with a
little work...
> USTC LUG was founded in 2003 and has been gone through eight years. As a
s/has been gone through/has been operating for/?
> technology-leading association, USTC LUG has organized a number of
> meaningful activities, such as: Linux network technology seminar,
s/meaningful/significant/
> GNU/Linux Install Party, PMP Embedded Linux technical seminars,
> Oracle and open source technologies seminars, Open Source Software
> Competition in Hefei, Software Freedom Day, a series of systems
> using and programming lectures. USTC LUG has started maintaining the well
> known Debian archive mirror debian.ustc.edu.cn since 2003, and now,
> with better hardware and
Replace "has started doing X since 2003" with either "has been doing X
since 2003" or (I think here) "started doing X in 2003".
> bandwidth sponsored by USTC, it finally becomes the official mirror of
"it is finally becoming".
> China. In addition, USTC LUG has established a freeshell server running on
> Loongson CPU, serving the whole campus to provide online experience on
> GNU/Linux. With the assistance of USTC Network Information Center, USTC LUG
> has set up a PXE network booting system, enabling the whole campus quickly
> experience or install the system conveniently.
> </p>
Inserting a "to" before "quickly" would fix the grammar, but it's not
quite clear how those adverbs fit in... maybe it would work better as:
has set up a PXE network booting system, enabling the whole campus
to perform convenient installs or quickly experience the system.
--
JBR with qualifications in linguistics, experience as a Debian
sysadmin, and probably no clue about this particular package
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