Please, stop this hurting vendetta, don't you think enough time has passed ?
This is the first time in the over-a-year that i have been banned from the debian mailing lists that i try to go around the ban to post an appeal to the whole debian community. And i am sorry to come again with this.
I write this, because even despite what debian has done to me, i still follow the debian lists, i still counsel people to use debian, i still try to help as i can, and i still believe that the debian project, and the majority of DDs and associated are nice and friendly people believing in a noble cause.
I write this, because even after a year and more after having been expulsed and reduced to silence like i was, my heart is still bleeding and my soul hurting each time i am again and again repeatedly hurt and humiliated, and i don't understand how it is possible that some people in debia still have the need to come after me like they do over a year after the facts.
I don't understand how people which i once considered friends and respected could be so devoid of compasion and hearthless, to continue doing this, nor how all of you can accept to be part of it, by accepting this situation. I guess this is because deep into myself i believe that humans are good persons, and more particularly that the portion of humanity who chose to participate in debian, to give selflessly their time and work, are even better persons.
There are two recent events which made me decide to write this mail, and circumvent the ban, which is something which i have not done in over a year. Two things, which together with others having happened over the time make my hearth bleed, and my soul hurt to the point of beeing unbearable, make me feel an oppression in my breast, and give me the sensation that my hearth is shaking, i don't know it is a strange sensation to describe, but i thought that after over a year, i would have been over this.
Well, the two recent events are the following :
- in a thread about some guy who chose to hide is name probably to circumvent a similar ban than i am under, and accuse the debian governance of all kind of evil acts, in maybe a clumsy way, Martin Shulze chose to use my name in a contempting way, and nobody thought it worth to critic him.
- more recently, while i was inscribed to be part of the emdebian meeting in extremadura which will hold place next week, i received today a mail saying that i would not be able to come, and it seems the reason i am not allowed to go is because of the opinion of the DPL about me.
These events may seem small and innocous to you, and you maye be tempted to say, why is he whining for so little, but if you put all this together, all that happened these past 2-3 years, you may, i hope, understand that i chose to break the ban in order to ask you, to please stop these kind of things against me.
This is in particular hurting, because of the injustice of this whole stuff. You well know what happened, and the efforts i made to reach a compromise, and trigger discussions who will yield to a reconciliation of this social dispute which got out of hand because of debian's total incapacity to handle it otherwise, and how 3 consecutive DPLs made absolutely no effort to get this solved, how even though Frans Pop didn't return my greeting at fosdem 2007, i still tried to help him when he had X-server trouble during his presentation, how when i tried to go through other respected DDs as mediator, Sam Hocevar who previously had said that if i would find peolpe willing to do it, he would consider it, later refused saying "they may give you reason", How the current DPL didn't even respond to my mails, and how when going though a respected DD as mediator, he said it would be a loss of time.
This is particularly hurting, because our DPL finds it a lose of time to speak to me, to try to come to a compromise and reconciliation, but he apparently it is not a lose of time to speak evily of me to other people.
In some sense, i understand what is happening. Debian, or rather the "DDs that count" to quote Sam Hocevar our previous DPL, has decided to use the "Poisonous People" method to deal with me. They have deemed i am a poisonous people, which in itself is hurting enough, have decided to reduce me totally to silence.
And even if some or maybe many of them, clearly understand that the fault was shared back then, and that debian didn't act admirably in this issue, they don't have the strength of character to come back over these events, and thus are forced to continue in this way.
And yes, i made mistakes, numerous mistakes back then, who doesn't make them. I was in a troubled time, both personnally for reasons i won't repeat here, and professionally. But even then, i also made things i believe are right, like writing the now forever erased wiki page pointing my positive contribution to debian and asking frans pop for a friendly reconciliation, like trying to find other resepcted DDs to act as mediators in hope for a reconciliation.
I think now, my biggest mistake was to believe that DDs where reasonable people with whom one can speak, but never in all this time did they try even to speak to me, but instead used insults, patronizing tone, lies and commands.
So, i ask you now, all of the DDs, and other associated people who read this, to please but a stop to this vendetta, you have won, i am hurt and bleeding, and i hardly contribute anymore and only skim over the lists, do you guys really need to continue this, or do you think now, after all this time, don't you think you can let this issue rest, and forget about past grudges ?
I am again sorry for this, like said, i have been hurt like no other DD has ever been hurt before me, and each time another stab is taken against me it is as if the wound is fresh again, and the hurt comes all over again.
Do you really think i deserved this ? Really ?
Please, don't do this anymore, and leave me in peace,