Re: Article (almost finished) introducing Debian 2.1 aka Slink

[Stephen Zander <gibreel@pobox.com>]

>>>>> "Daniel" == Daniel Martin <Daniel.Martin@jhu.edu> writes:
    Daniel> Javier Fdz-Sanguino Pen~a <jfs@ieeesb.etsit.upm.es>
    Daniel> writes:
    >> Debian 2.1 includes a big number of new graphic applications
    >> based
    Daniel> "big" => "large".  (I'm not sure why, but any native
    Daniel> speaker would tell you that this makes it better)

The adjective 'big' implies mass or size, the adjective 'large'
implies cardinaltiy or a numeric context.

    >> Other applications that can be pointed out in Debian 2.1 is the
    >> Mozilla <http://www.mozilla.org> browser, the navigator
    >> component of Netscape Communicator, that can be know part of
    >> Debian now that Netscape

That should be 'Another application...' or '... are the Mozilla'.  The
word 'know', which Daniel correctly notes should be 'now', would be
better removed entirely.

    >> Corporation allows the free distribution of its source code;
    >> also the free ofimatic suite Siag can be installed and used,
    >> which includes a word processor, a spreadsheet and other
    >> ofimatic applications.

The 'also' doesn't belong with the seim-colon and should be removed.
As a meta-comment on Daniel's recommendations for the exchange of
commas for semi-colons or periods in a number of places, I'd suggest
periods in preference to semi-colons.  While they nominally perform
the same role, shorter sentences will increase reading ease.
Especially as you're using commas to sepereate logically related
phrases.  according to my style guides, semi-colons are for more
abrupt changes in prose flow; things about cats or dogs or butterflies
:)

    Daniel> I didn't have any problems with the rest, though the whole
    Daniel> (after making these changes) should probably be gone over
    Daniel> again by a native English speaker with a few hours to
    Daniel> spare and the right personality traits for nitpicking.

Feel free to send me a copy privately; I'll happily pick nits. :)

-- 
Stephen
---
It should be illegal to yell "Y2K" in a crowded economy.  :-) -- Larry Wall