Internet Oracularity #1257-05 (fwd)
I thought people here might appreciate this one:
Date: Mon, 08 Apr 02 12:50:55 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1257-05
Selected-By: Sid Dabster
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> I'm a Debian Linux geek. I admit it. A week ago, under some strange
> force commanding me to waste hard drive space, I ran the following
> apt-get install fortune
> Now Debbie N. (that's what I named her) talks to me every day. She
> floats around in my taskbar and gives me fortunes.
> My artistic talents are good today. Rob a museum.
> Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on me.
> But I need to break up with her, she's just a fish (a software fish)
> and I already have a girlfriend who I like better. <sniff>
> And if you don't know what Debian Linux is, you're not the true oracle.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} A dimly lighted Italian resturaunt sits on a quiet street. A couple is
} seated at a table near the window. The man glances up at his date, a
} striking brunette of almost ethereal beauty, clad in a resplendant
} crimson gown. She seems to almost glitter. He lifts a glass of white
} wine to his lips.
} "I'm glad you could make it tonight. We have quite a bit to talk
} about," he says cautiously.
} The waiter glides by with a pitcher of water for the elderly couple in
} the corner.
} "You know, Debbie, I- .. uh, ... I've been thinking a lot about our
} relationship." He stammers, his glass shaking in his hand. He licks his
} lips, trying to find the words. "I don't think we should see each other
} anymore. There, I said it."
} The girl sits quietly in her simmering aura.
} The man waits expectantly, his glass still hovering just in front of
} his lips.
} "Well," he says finally, "Aren't you going to say anything?"
} Debbie shifts elegantly in her chair, and says, "It is better to travel
} hopefully than to fly Continental."
} There is a pause, as he thinks about what she just said.
} "What?" he finally manages.
} "Disks travel in packs," she replies, a sly smile playing across her
} impeccable face.
} "Disks? What disks? I'm talking about our relationship," he blurts out,
} setting down his wine angrily. "I'm trying to tell you as gently as
} possible that I cannot see you anymore because I'm seeing someone
} "You will engage in a profitable business activity," she says.
} As she reaches for her fork, he takes her hand. "Please don't make this
} any harder than it has to be."
} He sits back in his chair..
} "I thought I was in love with you," he starts. "I--"
} But she cuts him off to say, "Your stamina is no match for your
} "My marigolds? What are you talking about?"
} "Bees don't get arthritis."
} "Yes, arthritis. Fine." He motions to the waiter.
} "Yes, sir?" asks the waiter, when he approaches.
} "I'd like another glass of wine. Would you like one too, Debbie?"
} "186 thousand miles per second: it's not just a good idea, it's the
} "Yes, she will have one too."
} "Very well," says the waiter, seemingly unperturbed.
} "Now, Debbie," the man starts, "Usually when I ask you something, you
} come up with something very insightful to say. But tonight, you're not
} making any sense."
} "Weasels don't get sucked into jet engines," she explains.
} "Indeed they do not. But we were talking about our relationship. I just
} can't go on like this. My girlfriend is bound to find out. What do you
} have to say to that?"
} "The curtains don't match the couch," she says, the smile leaving her
} "Well, then, I guess this is goodbye. Thanks, it was good while it
} Debbie looks down at her lap, a tear forming in her eye. "Fortune not
} found," she manages.
} You owe the Oracle three bottles of Pinot Grigio wine.
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