Hey,
The brochure looks really good. Thanks Tammy and everyone who's
worked so hard on it.
Here's my feedback on the brochure, I am sorry for not feeding this
into titanpad, but it's hard to do from a plane and I won't be able
to touch this again tonight.
PDF page 1:
"conference" reptition. Also, DebConf is hardly an academic
gathering. It's really more than that. I'd say it's a forum to
enable information exchange and collaboration between people,
featuring presentations, workshops and leaving plenty of room for
ad-hoc events.
DC12 was not the first, but it was the most recent conf on the
Souther Hemisphere.
The last DebConf → Last year's DebConf
Cape Town is expected to hold… → We expect 350+ to attend DebConf16 in CapeTown
The final paragraph is a bit weird; we're addressing sponsors, not
people thinking about joining like-minded people.
PDF page 2:
"Debebconf16" → "DebConf16"
"Debconf" → "DebConf" (also on other pages)
PDF page 3:
"highlighted" → "pictured"
"NGOs" → "organisations"
PDF page 4:
I find Gunnar's quote a bit weird. Could it possibly be rephrased?
"eye-opened" doesn't exist. Maybe something like "It's common to
see jaws dropping in amazement when watching colleagues work or
discovering all the stuff they care about."
PDF page 5:
"Previous Debian Confs have…" → "DebConf features speakers from
all around the world. As a truly international project, we move to
a new country every year."
500 participants vs. 580 participants on page 1.
PDF page 6:
"DebCamp period of DebConf" → "DebCamp period preceding DebConf"
"provided" → "designed"
"After working remotely" → "Working remotely"
I'd swap the first two paragraphs and somehow build a link. I am
not sure about the final paragraph at all.
"Although organized separately from most of DebConf" → is that
intentional? One problem we had in the past with Debian Day was
that if it's not part of DebConf, regular attendees won't join yet
and the event might turn out empty. This is part of the reason why
we tried to fuse the two concepts at DC15.
"See below" → it's not below. I suggest to use a page reference to
the job fair page.
PDF page 7:
I find Jake's quote rather weak. Do you want me to provide
one that captures the diversity of content and attendees one meets
at DebConf?
PDF page 8:
Not sure about the Pollito picture. That seems a bit very weird
out of context.
PDF page 10:
"standard benefits listed above" → "listed on the next page".
Also, it's a bit weird to have this paragraph on addtnl.
sponsorship opportunities precede the list of standard stuff, and
so far away from the opportunities we list on PDF page 12.
"Staff a showcase booth" → heading formatting got lost.
PDF page 11:
"Logo in the list of sponsors web page" → "Logo on the sponsors
web page".
"Microblog your involvement with your logo on our website"
→ "Microblog your involvement with your logo" (it's not on our
website…)
"Logo on main web pages" → "Logo on all web pages"?
What is the "giveaway" you mention wrt the logo?
PDF page 13:
What's with the "working on the table" text there?
PDF page 14:
"want to give as many people the opportunity to attend — not just
those that are nearby and can afford it" → "want to include as
many people as possible, not only those that can afford to
attend."
In general, please ensure you use British English or American
English spelling consistently (e.g. "-ize" vs. "-ise" on verbs on
non-Greek origin, "o" vs. "ou" in words like colour etc.).
I'd also recommend to limit the number of fonts used to 2, max. 3.
Right now there seem to be too many in use.
--
.''`. martin f. krafft <madduck@debconf.org> @martinkrafft
: :' : DebConf orga team
`. `'`
`- DebConf16: Cape Town: https://wiki.debconf.org/wiki/DebConf16
DebConf17 in your country? https://wiki.debconf.org/wiki/DebConf17
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