Re: Being nice to introverts/the highly sensitive (was Re: "Breaking Cliques at Events")
at bottom :-
On 12/12/2017, Sean Whitton <spwhitton@spwhitton.name> wrote:
> Hello Russ,
<snipped>
>
> (I'm deliberately avoiding the term 'extrovert' because (i) I am really
> not sure what it means; and (ii) I want to discuss a much more specific
> dichotomy which is probably not all of extroversion, namely "those who
> have no difficulty with new people" / "those who do".)
>
> --
> Sean Whitton
>
Dear all,
2016 was my first debconf (and first international trip to boot) and
the first where I even gave a talk.
I don't usually have an issue with that as I usually have an idea both
the topic
and the kind of audience I'll be talking too. There are few chances like
what happened in debconf where I had assumed a novice audience to
be faced with experienced pros.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-sqZFAkGxk
I was able to fake that confidence/bluster and only I know how I did that.
Given that I gave a talk (perhaps) people might have had this idea I'm
an extrovert
But in many instances I am opposite of that especially when you are in
unknown land
and you are unsure of the etiquette that govern social interactions.
To give a very generalized example, if you come to India, you will
find many indian men
and women holding hands together or even putting arms around each other.
This doesn't mean they are homosexuals but they are displaying
brotherhood and bonding.
I do not subscribe to the idea that just because you are older, you
are wiser theory.
In fact it is easier to feel more out of step as you are older as your
tastes change. For instance, I find more solace in sufi and 60's,
70's songs than in dance numbers of recent vintage.
While I'm bad at remembering names, there was a young french couple
who literally took me
under their wing and spelled out which probably was baby stuff to them
(etiquette manners etc.) but to me made it whole lot secure and whole
lot of fun than otherwise I would have been.
In fact I became so close to them, it was literally heart-breaking for me when
we had to separate on the last day of the conference.
I and few of the Indian team-mates did hear some snide remarks from people
about how the Indian group was always together. It was probably for us
about not
having to think about personal spaces and things like that and that familiarity
also played a huge part emotionally for the group not going insane.
At least for me
it also provided a great emotional anchor.
I do subscribe to the idea of 'I'm interested in' and 'Talk to me
about' . While I don't think
I personally would use 'Talk to me about' which would indicate
expertise 'Interested in' I find
is easier to learn and share both knowledge and sharing as both are
equals in that exchange.
I also find 'extrovert' and 'introvert' to be big labels and in fact
am more happy with the
in-betweeness. It seems crazy but we have mood-swings and at times we feel
adventurous, other times not.
At the end, even Laura Arjona has been extremely helpful many a time
in understanding
view points as e-mail (for good and bad) doesn't provide enough
emotional context.
--
Regards,
Shirish Agarwal शिरीष अग्रवाल
My quotes in this email licensed under CC 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/3.0/
http://flossexperiences.wordpress.com
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