Re: [DRAFT FOR REVIEW] Government owned IT enterprise SERPRO selected Debian GNU/Linux for its servers and wish to collaborate
>
>> FLOSS is not ambiguous [0].
> Forgive me, it's American culture spreading its idea of dental hygiene
> globally.
Well, in brazilian portuguese, we fortunately does not have this problem.
Free as in freedom is the plain meaning of "livre".
Even so, many STILL thinks floss as "gratis" freeware.
> Or one of my favourites at the moment - shove all the extra information
> into brackets:
> During a discussion panel with the LUG Debian RS (mediated by the
> Associacao Software Livre at Debian Day Porto Alegre) SERPRO heard
> suggestions...
>
> It's up to you, choose which you prefer.
It is there now. I guess it could be a matter of style. I fear that texts
between the parenteses could be simply wiped by publishers.
>
> 2). The last sentence is also working a bit hard:
> These will increase collaboration with, and gain the respect of the
> community for mutual benefit, improving communications, and so lead to
> better operational performance.
>
> Maybe split it into two sentences?
> This will increase collaboration with, and gain the respect of, the
> community for the mutual benefit of both. Consequently communications
> between SERPRO and the Debian community will be improved and the
> operational performance of SERPRO's production systems will be enhanced.
>
> It's only a suggestion as it stands - you might leak to tweak it a bit
> depending on how heavily you'd like to push the case.
>
This sentece I still vote for the MJ version. It is shorter and elegant.
Could it be too difficult to understand with many sentences and commas?
Regards.
Andre Felipe
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