Re: [DRAFT FOR REVIEW] Steve McIntyre elected Debian Project Leader 2008
On Sun, Apr 13, 2008 at 06:09:49PM -0700, AndreMachado spake thus:
>
> Hello,
> Many thanks for your suggestions.
No problem; I'm glad to help.
> Please review the newest and improved version [0].
> Regards.
> Andre Felipe Machado
> [0] http://times.debian.net/1232
Maybe break the first sentence into two. Orig:
"The winner of the Debian Project Leader (DPL) 2008 election is
Steve McIntyre, for one year starting from April 17th, 2008."
Suggestion:
"The winner of the Debian Project Leader (DPL) 2008 election is
Steve McIntyre. His term as DPL will extend for one year starting on
April 17th, 2008."
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Orig:
"The details of the results shall be soon up at the election page..."
Sugg (switch "be soon up" to "be up soon"):
"The details of the results shall be up soon at the election page..."
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Orig:
"Organizations without a common understanding of authority and
leadership can not survive in the long term. And those with
direct democratic forms of participation do not tend to scale
well and are noted for their difficulty managing complexity
and decision-making, leading to failure."
Sugg:
"Organizations without a common understanding of authority and
leadership can not survive in the long term. And those with direct
democratic forms of participation tend to fail because they scale
poorly and manage complexity and decision making inadequately."
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Orig:
"The governance system was already validated in 2006, when a crucial
conflict was resolved within the approved framework."
Sugg (drops "already"):
"The governance system was validated in 2006, when a crucial
conflict was resolved within the approved framework."
--
a l a n d. s a l e w s k i salewski@worldnet.att.net
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gentle kiss good-bye.
tears rolling from both our eyes,
we'll always have cheese
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