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This is highly irregular!

Nice try, guys.  BRAVO.

Let me be the first to tell you:  Your plan failed.  You'll never get her to do what you want, and even if you could, you wouldn't be able to.  Because you can't.  You can't and you won't.  Because if you do.. well, you just won't.  Trust me.  It can't be done.  It won't be done.  You'll never do it because you can't, and won't and shan't do it.

Just so you know, I burned all the letters you sent me.  I didn't even read them.  And your bike; the one in the garage.. Yeah, I burned that too.  Nice try, though.  Next time don't be so obvious.  Oh, and remember last time you were over?  You drew that little cartoon dog on the kids' chalkboard?  I erased it. Won't have it in my house.

Are you shocked?  There's nothing I won't do for the safety of my family.  If I have to throw an old lady down a flight of steps to stop you from accomplishing your evil plans, then so be it.

By the way, if you don't stop banging on the wall while I'm sleeping I will kidnap your dog.

Warmest regards,

Donovan Scarduzio
Safety Inspector, BMF inc.

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