Re: Bits post: DebConf24 closes in Busan and DebConf25 dates announced
Jean-Pierre Giraud <jipege@debian.org> writes:
> We would very much appreciate reviews.
> https://salsa.debian.org/publicity-team/bits/-/blob/master/content/2024/debconf24/debconf24-closes.md?ref_type=heads
some thoughts
Overall, given it is about a group of people getting together it feels
rather missing a human element -- and there seems not very much specific
to this specific conference (apparently everything was a "traditional"
activity? not sure that gives a great impression?)
-- can you namecheck and thank more people?
-- are there any quotes or feedback from attendees
about what they learned/did/enjoyed at the conference?
-- were any issues resolved or decisions made?
-- is there a quote from the organiser or project leader saying how great it all was?
- Something has gone wrong with the first line
"Title: DebConf24 closes in Busan and DebConf25 dates announced Date: 2024-08-10 16:00 Tags: debconf24, debconf25, announce, debconf Slug: debconf24-closes Author: Jean-Pierre Giraud and Donald Norwood Artist: Aigars Mahinovs Image: /images/debconf24_group_photo.jpg Status: published"
- Looks like a broken link to a group photo
- "Over 339 attendees representing 48 countries"
Is an attendee really "representing" their country - do you mean "from" here?
- "Birds of a Feather (BoF) gatherings," -- will readers know what that means?
- The bit about debcamp sounded interesting, could you give some
examples of what people did there?
I think you should avoid phrases like "geared to" and "collaboration" as
they read like advertising-speak. the whole para is one sentence, so
splitting it up would help.
- "Individual" should not be capitalised.
- hyphenate Debian-related
- Is the para starting "This year" about debcamp or a separate thing - it
reads as separate but then the next para suggests the same?
- You say several things are 'traditional', but will readers know what
they are? could you link to a video of the talks, say more about "internal
projects and teams"?
- Is "F/OSS" correct spelling?
- "Several traditional activities were performed" "performed" is
probably not what you mean here!
- "most of the talks and sessions were videoed for live room streams "
what is a "live room stream" and why whas a video made for it -- do you
just mean "most of the talks and other sessions were recorded"?
- Is the IRC logs mentioned available?
- What is "UTP", what is a "country Geoip viewer"
- are these stats more or less than last year?
- the day trips sounds interesting - can you say more about these (where,
who went, what did they do? are there no photos?)
- "On-line" should not be capitalised
- "active for archival purposes" is a bit contradictory. Do you mean "remain available" or "will be archived"?
- "team work towards improving the distribution"
- how can you "focus" on both "individual" and "team" work? doesnt that suggest no focus?
- do you mean "focus on teamwork to help improve Debian?
- I found the sudden reference to the code of conduct very jarring - is
the intent to hint that there was some issues at the conference? if
so, it would be better to tackle it head-on condemn bad behaviour! if
not, i wonder whether it is needed, given the conference is over -- if
you do want to include it, maybe find a more positive way to link to
it, eg you could thank everyone for complying with the code of conduct
and making the conference fun/friendly/inclusive/whatever it was?
hope that is helpful!
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