Re: First draft (was Re: we need a release announcement -- soon [source material])
On Aug 07, Moshe Zadka wrote:
> Some minor comments:
>
> On Mon, 7 Aug 2000, Chris Lawrence wrote:
>
> > accordingly, we believe Debian 2.2 is the best-tested Linux
> > distribution ever.
>
> Why not just "is an extremely well-tested Linux distribution"? I think
> we don't need to do comparisons in the press release.
Fair enough.
> > + reportbug - A tool to report problems in the first place.
>
> s/in the first place//
s/the first place/Debian/
> > + zope - A web application platform suited to developing
> > dynamic web sites, such as portals and weblogs.
>
> Digital Creations defines Zope as a "web application server". It might be
> wiser to use their terminology.
Done. (Though the package desc. uses the 'platform' term.)
> > + gnome-napster, gnapster, gnap - Three Napster implementations
> > for all your RIAA-defying needs.
>
> s/for all your RIAA-defying needs//
How about:
gnome-napster, gnapster, gnap - Three interfaces to the popular MP3
trading service.
> > + Last, but not least: 56 new games!
>
> I'm religiously against exclamantion marks. Do you really think the
> exclamation mark will impress anyone? I'm more impressed by the number
> <wink>
Heh. I can't even have 1 ! in the press release? ;-)
> > + Python 1.5.2 - Another popular scripting language
>
> s/Another/A/
>
> Additionally, no one in Python lands defines Python as a "scripting"
> language -- the popular time is "A high-level interpreted language".
I went with "An object-oriented, interpreted language", though it
probably doesn't do it justice.
> > Debian 2.2 also includes support for two new architectures, PowerPC
> > and ARM; with this addition, Debian now runs on six architectures,
> > more than any other Linux distribution.
>
> Again, I'd lose the "more then any other Linux distribution" part.
Actually, this is the one point I disagree on. It's a statement of
fact (whereas "best-tested" might be opinion).
> > new package, called base-config, and has a more appealing interface
> > based around our debconf system.
>
> I'm not a native English speaker, but I think "based on" is preferred to
> "based around".
"based on" is probably more grammatically correct anyway, "using"
might be more Strunk&White compliant however ;-).
Thanks very much for the feedback.
Chris
--
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| Chris Lawrence | Get rid of Roger Wicker this year! |
| <quango@watervalley.net> | http://www.lordsutch.com/ms-one/ |
| | |
| Grad Student, Pol. Sci. | Are you tired of politics as usual? |
| University of Mississippi | http://www.lp.org/ |
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