Re: [release-notes] Need a second opinion on a paragraph
Niels Thykier wrote:
> I got the attached patch in #781467. On reviewing it, I got a feeling
> that one of the sentences might be too long/complex - at least I have
> difficulties reading it out loud without losing my breath. The sentence is:
>
> """
> When installed, it will check after each APT upgrade session for any
> services running on the system that require a restart to take advantage
> of the changes in the upgraded packages and offers to perform that restart.
> """
>
> (Please see the patch for the context, if needed.)
>
> Assuming you agree with my assertion, I was hoping you could help me
> reword it while preserving the points. My attempt got me to:
>
> """
> When installed, it will check after each APT upgrade session for any
> services running on the system that require a restart to take advantage
> of the changes in the upgraded packages. It also offers to perform
> restarts of the affected services.
> """
>
> But I am still a bit concerned about the length of the first part.
Splitting it does help. How about moving the cut:
When installed, it will perform a check after each APT upgrade
session. If any services running on the system require a restart to
take advantage of changes in the upgraded packages then it offers to
perform these restarts.
Or for a bit of variety in the intonation contour:
When installed, it will perform a check after each APT upgrade
session: are there any services running on the system that require a
restart to take advantage of changes in the upgraded packages? If
so, it offers to perform these restarts.
--
JBR with qualifications in linguistics, experience as a Debian
sysadmin, and probably no clue about this particular package
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