Hi *, On 01/28/2015 08:30 PM, Justin B Rye wrote: > Paul Wise wrote: >> We would like to send out the announcement of the new security mirror >> for Asia soon (probably on Monday), please review and translate it: >> >> https://anonscm.debian.org/viewvc/publicity/announcements/en/drafts/asia-security-mirror.wml?view=co > [...] >> <define-tag pagetitle>New Debian security mirror for Asia</define-tag> >> >> <define-tag release_date>YYYY-MM-DD</define-tag> > (Does this get filled in at the last moment?) Yes. >> #use wml::debian::news >> >> ## Translators should uncomment the following line and add their name >> ## Leaving translation at 1.1 is okay; that's the first version which will >> ## be added to Debian's webwml repository >> ## >> # #use wml::debian::translation-check translation="1.1" maintainer="" >> >> <p>The Debian Project is pleased to announce that the new host >> behind "security.debian.org" has recently been placed in Japan, with >> the help of SAKURA Internet, Inc.</p> > Why "*the* new host"? Have we had this host working as a security > mirror for a while before we finally managed to move it to Japan? Or > has a machine that was already in Japan been set up as a new security > mirror? The latter would be something more like > > <p>The Debian Project is pleased to announce that a new host > behind "security.debian.org" has recently been set up in Japan, with > the help of SAKURA Internet, Inc.</p> > > (Should the quotes around security.debian.org be <q> tags or <tt> tags > or what? And how about http://ishikari.sakura.ad.jp/index_eng.html?) > IIRC there was a mirror in that region but was changed. Without some historical data we can at this time only guess without some input from a member of the mirrors team. In the meantime I've changed the order of wording in the paragraph to sidestep the exact why and focus more on the what. >> <p>This hardware and hosting donation will allow the Debian Systems >> Administration (DSA) team to improve Debian's core service: providing >> security mirror archive for Asia/Pacific region and it also would led >> decentralized and stable security mirror access for whole world.</p> > Missing articles followed by more serious problems. It "would led"? > Is that a wrong form of the slightly wrong verb "lead", or a typo for > the also slightly wrong verb "lend", or what? My guess: > > <p>This hardware and hosting donation will allow the Debian Systems > Administration (DSA) team to improve Debian's core services by providing > a security mirror archive for the Asia/Pacific region, and another > step towards decentralized and stable security mirror access for the > whole world.</p> I committed your suggestion with a few slight wording changes for clarification. The mirror is for Asia not Asia/Pacific, and removed whole world to world since that is part of the decentralized mirror scheme. >> <p><q>In combination with the GeoDNS feature used by Debian, this >> should speed up downloads for our users in that geographical area >> drastically. This is a welcome improvement in the worldwide coverage >> of dedicated official security.debian.org mirrors, administrated by >> the Debian project</q> said Martin Zobel-Helas, a member of the Debian >> System Administrator team. > All good except that you just defined DSA as standing for "Debian > SystemS AdministraTION"; so just use the abbreviation - > > the Debian project</q> said Martin Zobel-Helas, a member of the DSA team. > > or maybe even (but not in my patch): > > the Debian project</q> said DSA team member Martin Zobel-Helas. > >> <p><q>SAKURA Internet is a leading Japanese hosting service provider which >> hosts many servers running the Debian system. SAKURA is very honored to >> have an opportunity to support Debian by the security mirror system and >> wishes to continue supporting the Debian community.</q> >> says Kunihiro Tanaka, Founder, CEO and President of SAKURA Internet. > Here it's a good quote but the convention is to turn the final period > into a comma when the framing sentence isn't finished yet: > > wishes to continue supporting the Debian community,</q> > said Kunihiro Tanaka, Founder, CEO, and President of SAKURA Internet. > > (Also using the same tense for both quotes, and adding a "Harvard > comma" to match the list in the next paragraph.) Committed, some slight changes. >> <h2>About SAKURA Internet</h2> >> >> <p>SAKURA Internet, Inc (3778:Tokyo) is a leading independent >> Internet Data Center service provider of Japan. The company engages in >> the provision of Internet services since 1996 and has many customers >> and users through offering server rental services, hosting, VPS, and >> data center services including Cloud Computing.</p> > I don't want to mess around with this too much, but you can't say "X > happens (present tense) since Y" - it needs to be something like "has > been engaging". And saying that it has customers through something > doesn't quite work either. Oh, I know: > > <p>SAKURA Internet, Inc (3778:Tokyo) is a leading independent > Internet Data Center service provider of Japan. The company has been > engaging in the provision of Internet services since 1996 and has > gained many customers and users through offering server rental > services, hosting, VPS, and data center services including Cloud > Computing.</p> > >> <p>Learn more about SAKURA’s newest Data Center at >> http://ishikari.sakura.ad.jp/index_eng.html</p> > This contains the only Unicode apostrophe in the text (compare > "Debian's" in the second paragraph). I'll standardise on ASCII. > >> <h2>About Debian</h2> >> >> <p> >> The Debian Project was founded in 1993 by Ian Murdock to be a truly >> free community project. Since then the project has grown to be one of >> the largest and most influential open source projects. Thousands of >> volunteers from all over the world work together to create and >> maintain Debian software. Available in 70 languages, and >> supporting a huge range of computer types, Debian calls itself the >> <q>universal operating system</q>. >> </p> > Somebody's proofread these end bits already. Changes: https://anonscm.debian.org/viewvc/publicity/announcements/en/drafts/asia-security-mirror.wml?view=co Best regards, Donald Norwood
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