Re: Things to check in release notes
Justin B Rye wrote:
> Why did I think I only had big ones left to do? Here's a proofreading
> sweep of old-stuff.dbk.
Now the big one. Here are proofreading fixes for just the first half
of upgrading.dbk.
This is all intended as non-controversial semantics-preserving stuff;
I haven't touched the references to aptitude visual mode, and I've
split out the bugreport for removing the section on cryptoloop (which
is conveniently halfway through the text).
--
JBR with qualifications in linguistics, experience as a Debian
sysadmin, and probably no clue about this particular package
Index: upgrading.dbk
===================================================================
--- upgrading.dbk (revision 9905)
+++ upgrading.dbk (working copy)
@@ -10,8 +10,8 @@
<title>Preparing for the upgrade</title>
<para>
We suggest that before upgrading you also read the information in <xref
-linkend="ch-information"/>. That chapter covers potential issues not directly
-related to the upgrade process but which could still be important to know about
+linkend="ch-information"/>. That chapter covers potential issues which are not directly
+related to the upgrade process but could still be important to know about
before you begin.
</para>
<section id="data-backup">
@@ -87,9 +87,9 @@
<para>
The precise downtime for these services will vary depending on the number of
packages being upgraded in the system, and it also includes the time the system
-administrator answers the configuration questions from different package
-upgrades (if any). Notice that if the upgrade process is left unattended and
-the system requests input throughout the upgrade there is a high
+administrator spends answering any configuration questions from package
+upgrades. Notice that if the upgrade process is left unattended and
+the system requests input during the upgrade there is a high
possibility of services being unavailable<footnote><para>If the debconf
priority is set to a very high level you might prevent configuration prompts,
but services that rely on default answers that are not applicable to your
@@ -98,7 +98,7 @@
<para>
If the system being upgraded provides critical services for your users or the
-network<footnote><para>For example: DNS or DHCP services, specially when
+network<footnote><para>For example: DNS or DHCP services, especially when
there is no redundancy or failover. In the DHCP case end-users might be disconnected
from the network if the lease time is lower than the time it takes for the
upgrade process to complete.</para></footnote>, you can reduce the downtime if
@@ -122,7 +122,7 @@
documented in this and the next chapters of these Release Notes.
</para>
<para>
-For that reason it makes sense to ensure that you will be able to recover if
+For this reason it makes sense to ensure that you will be able to recover if
your system should fail to reboot or, for remotely managed systems, fail to
bring up networking.
</para>
@@ -170,7 +170,7 @@
<para>
Another option we'd like to recommend is to use the <emphasis>rescue
mode</emphasis> of the &releasename; Debian Installer. The advantage of using the
-installer is that you can choose between its many installation methods for one
+installer is that you can choose between its many installation methods to find one
that best suits your situation. For more information, please consult the
section <quote>Recovering a Broken System</quote> in chapter 8 of the <ulink
url="&url-install-manual;">Installation
@@ -180,7 +180,7 @@
<section id="recovery-initrd">
<title>Debug shell during boot using initrd</title>
<para>
-The <systemitem role="package">initramfs-tools</systemitem> includes a debug
+The <systemitem role="package">initramfs-tools</systemitem> package includes a debug
shell<footnote><para> This feature can be disabled by adding the parameter
<literal>panic=0</literal> to your boot parameters. </para> </footnote> in the
initrds it generates. If for example the initrd is unable to mount your root
@@ -233,7 +233,7 @@
You should <emphasis>not</emphasis> upgrade using <command>telnet</command>,
<command>rlogin</command>, <command>rsh</command>, or from an X
session managed by <command>xdm</command>, <command>gdm</command>
- or <command>kdm</command> etc on the machine you are upgrading.
+ or <command>kdm</command> etc. on the machine you are upgrading.
That is because each of those services may well be terminated
during the upgrade, which can result in an
<emphasis>inaccessible</emphasis> system that is only half-upgraded.
@@ -459,9 +459,9 @@
<section id="network">
<title>Adding APT Internet sources</title>
<para>
-The default configuration is set up for installation from main Debian Internet
+The default configuration is set up for installation from the main Debian Internet
servers, but you may wish to modify <filename>/etc/apt/sources.list</filename>
-to use other mirrors, preferably a mirror that is network-wise closest to you.
+to use other mirrors, preferably a mirror that is closest to you in network terms.
</para>
<para>
Debian HTTP or FTP mirror addresses can be found at <ulink
@@ -662,7 +662,7 @@
<section id="sufficient-space">
<title>Make sure you have sufficient space for the upgrade</title>
<para>
-You have to make sure before upgrading your system that you have sufficient
+You have to make sure before upgrading your system that you will have sufficient
hard disk space when you start the full system upgrade described in <xref
linkend="upgrading-full"/>. First, any package needed for installation that
is fetched from the network is stored in
@@ -674,11 +674,11 @@
space in other file system partitions in order to both install upgraded
packages (which might contain bigger binaries or more data) and new packages
that will be pulled in for the upgrade. If your system does not have
-sufficient space you might end up with an incomplete upgrade that might be
+sufficient space you might end up with an incomplete upgrade that is
difficult to recover from.
</para>
<para>
-<command>apt-get</command> can show you detailed information of the disk
+<command>apt-get</command> can show you detailed information about the disk
space needed for the installation. Before executing the upgrade, you can see
this estimate by running:
</para>
@@ -859,7 +859,7 @@
</section>
<section arch="i386" id="kernel-flavour-686">
- <title>Kernel flavour selection</title>
+ <title>Kernel flavor selection</title>
<para>
Debian's <literal>686</literal> kernel configuration has been replaced by
the <literal>686-pae</literal> configuration, which uses PAE
@@ -883,12 +883,12 @@
<para>
In some cases, doing the full upgrade (as described below) directly might
remove large numbers of packages that you will want to keep. We therefore
-recommend a two-part upgrade process, first a minimal upgrade to overcome these
+recommend a two-part upgrade process: first a minimal upgrade to overcome these
conflicts, then a full upgrade as described in <xref
linkend="upgrading-full"/>.
</para>
<para>
-To do this first, run:
+To do this, first run:
</para>
<screen>
# apt-get upgrade
@@ -916,15 +916,15 @@
</screen>
<note>
<para>
- The upgrade process for other releases recommended the
+ The upgrade process for some previous releases recommended the
use of <command>aptitude</command> for the upgrade. This
tool is not recommended for upgrades from &oldreleasename; to
&releasename;.
</para>
</note>
<para>
-This will perform a complete upgrade of the system, i.e. install the newest
-available versions of all packages, and resolve all possible dependency changes
+This will perform a complete upgrade of the system, installing the newest
+available versions of all packages, and resolving all possible dependency changes
between packages in different releases. If necessary, it will install some new
packages (usually new library versions, or renamed packages), and remove any
conflicting obsoleted packages.
Reply to: