Re: New Debian machine for archive mirror announcement ready: please review and translate
MJ Ray wrote:
> Says:
> ## When is this announcement likely to be send out? Please keep in mind,
> Should say (typo or tense):
> ## When is this announcement likely to be sent out? Please keep in mind,
I might as well fix that.
I'll also handle FK's nitpick about "48GB", which is my fault for
standardising in the wrong direction. Ideally I suppose I should make
it "48 GB" - let me know if that breaks in WML.
> Says:
> The Debian Project is pleased to announce that, with the help of
> <i>Studenten Net Twente (SNT)</i> and <i>HP</i>, the hardware behind
> <q>ftp.debian.org</q> has recently been replaced.
> Could say (make it flow better):
> The Debian Project is pleased to announce that the hardware behind
> <q>ftp.debian.org</q> has recently been replaced with the help of
> <i>Studenten Net Twente (SNT)</i> and <i>HP</i>.
Done (but with an extra comma to guard against the ambiguity of "X has
been replaced with Y".
> Says:
> <q>The amount of new architectures added to Debian recently and the fact
> Could say (better noun):
> <q>The number of new architectures added to Debian recently and the fact
Minor colloquialisms inside quotes probably don't need correcting.
> Says:
> at University of Twente has a long tradition for the Debian Project.</q>,
> Could say (better verb):
> at University of Twente is a long tradition for the Debian Project.</q>,
Still inside quotes, and not quite an error, so I'll leave it.
> Says:
> managing servers and other services and therefore we kindly host `kassia`,
> Note:
> Strangely, to my en_GB ear, "kindly" there sounds boastful/immodest
> but I don't want to mess with someone's quote.
Agreed (and yes, it's en_GB, there's an "organisation"). It's hard to
think what I would say here - maybe "as a gesture of goodwill". We
can't fix that, but where the word "kindly" occurs in the first
paragraph I'll substitute "generously" to avoid drawing any extra
attention to the word.
The use of backticks around hostnames in this paragraph also made me
twitch somewhat, and we'd be justified in changing that to match our
house style; I'll try <tt></tt>. Again, let me know if I'm breaking
the WML.
> Says:
> SNT maintains an FTP mirror for major open source projects such as Firefox
> Should say (be more inclusive):
> SNT maintains an FTP mirror for major free and open source software projects such as Firefox
It also has a good rhythm to it. Done.
> Says:
> the largest and most influential open source projects. Thousands of
> Should say (be more inclusive):
> the largest and most influential free and open source software projects. Thousands of
That on the other hand doesn't work for me. It's "one of the largest
and most influential open source projects"; adding an extra adjective
makes the range of things it's claiming to be a front runner among
smaller, not bigger (the generalised version would be something like
"one of the largest and most influential free *and/or* open source
projects"). Besides, the word "free" has already occurred in the
previous sentence. Translators will probably thank us if we leave
it the way it's been phrased previously...
--
JBR with qualifications in linguistics, experience as a Debian
sysadmin, and probably no clue about this particular package
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