[Date Prev][Date Next] [Thread Prev][Thread Next] [Date Index] [Thread Index]

Re: [Debconf-team] First draft of Debian Day announcement



On Fri, 8 Jul 2011 11:53:14 +0100, Justin B Rye <jbr@edlug.org.uk> wrote:
> On Fri, Jul 08, 2011 at 11:38:53AM +0200, Francesca Ciceri wrote:
> > http://anonscm.debian.org/viewvc/publicity/announcements/en/2011/2011-07-12-debianday.wml?revision=2373&view=markup

I'd suggest the following changes:

=-=-=-=-
--- 2011-07-12-debianday.wml	(revision 2377)
+++ 2011-07-12-debianday.wml	(working copy)
@@ -2,7 +2,7 @@
 # $Id$
 # $Rev$
 
-<define-tag pagetitle>Debian invites you at Debian Day</define-tag>
+<define-tag pagetitle>Debian invites you to Debian Day</define-tag>
 
 <define-tag release_date>2011-07-12</define-tag>
 #use wml::debian::news
@@ -13,7 +13,7 @@
 Banja Luka, Republic of Srpska, Bosnia and Herzegovina as the first day of
 the annual Debian Conference.</p>
 
-<p>During Debian Day, the conference opens its door to anyone interested
+<p>During Debian Day, the conference opens its doors to anyone interested
 in finding out more about Debian and Free Software, inviting enthusiasts,
 users, and developers to a full day of talks on several subjects - such as Free
 Software in government; design and Free Software; and Free Software advocacy -
@@ -33,7 +33,7 @@
  Jesus Climent</li>
  <li><q>Austrian e-health system</q> by Gerfried Fuchs</li>
 
-<p>The Debian Day is free of charge and open for everybody interested in
+<p>Debian Day is free of charge and open for everybody interested in
 Free Software. More information about it, and a complete schedule, can
 be found at <a
 href="http://www.debianday.org";>http://www.debianday.org</a>.</p>
=-=-=-=-


or, perhaps, if you prefer these instead:


=-=-=-=-
--- 2011-07-12-debianday.wml    (revision 2377)
+++ 2011-07-12-debianday.wml    (working copy)
@@ -2,7 +2,7 @@
 # $Id$
 # $Rev$
 
-<define-tag pagetitle>Debian invites you at Debian Day</define-tag>
+<define-tag pagetitle>Debian invites you to Debian Day</define-tag>
 
 <define-tag release_date>2011-07-12</define-tag>
 #use wml::debian::news
@@ -13,16 +13,15 @@
 Banja Luka, Republic of Srpska, Bosnia and Herzegovina as the first day of
 the annual Debian Conference.</p>
 
-<p>During Debian Day, the conference opens its door to anyone interested
+<p>During Debian Day, the conference will open its doors to anyone interested
 in finding out more about Debian and Free Software, inviting enthusiasts,
-users, and developers to a full day of talks on several subjects - such as Free
+users, and developers to a full day of talks on various subjects, including: Free
 Software in government; design and Free Software; and Free Software advocacy -
 as well as a string of talks about the Debian project and operating
 system.</p>
 
-<p>After the <q>Debian Day opening plenary</q> during which Adnan Hodzic
-will welcome attendees, the following talks will be delivered (among
-others):</p>
+<p>After the <q>Debian Day opening plenary</q>, during which Adnan Hodzic
+will welcome attendees, the talks that follow will include:</p>
 
 <ul>
  <li><q>Understanding Debian</q>, by Bdale Garbee</li>
@@ -33,7 +32,7 @@
  Jesus Climent</li>
  <li><q>Austrian e-health system</q> by Gerfried Fuchs</li>
 
-<p>The Debian Day is free of charge and open for everybody interested in
+<p>Debian Day is free of charge and open for everybody interested in
 Free Software. More information about it, and a complete schedule, can
 be found at <a
 href="http://www.debianday.org";>http://www.debianday.org</a>.</p>
=-=-=-=-

HTH

Cheers, Phil.
-- 
|)|  Philip Hands [+44 (0)20 8530 9560]    http://www.hands.com/
|-|  HANDS.COM Ltd.                    http://www.uk.debian.org/
|(|  10 Onslow Gardens, South Woodford, London  E18 1NE  ENGLAND

Attachment: pgpgxY17pFq9N.pgp
Description: PGP signature


Reply to: