Re: update of DDP related web pages (phase 1)

[Justin B Rye <jbr@edlug.org.uk>]

Osamu Aoki wrote:
> I attach proposed change as files:
>  index.wml
>  ddp.wml
>  obsolete.wml
> 
> If no one object, I will commit them to english/doc directory.

It does have one or two non-native-speakerisms, the most glaring being:

>   <dt><strong><a href="http://www.gnu.org/software/texinfo/manual/texinfo/html_node/index.html";>info files</a></strong></dt>
>     <dd>Many GNU software is documented through <em>info 
>         files</em> instead of manual pages. These files include detailed
> 	information of the program itself, options and example usage
> 	and are available through the <tt>info</tt>
>         command.
>     </dd>

Software is a non-count-noun, so you can't have many of it.  Say

      <dd>GNU software is commonly documented through <em>info 

The "information of X, Y and Z" bit needs surgery, too:

                                              These files include detailed
        information on the program itself, along with options and example usage,

>   <dt><strong>various README files</strong></dt>
>     <dd>The <em>read me</em> files are also common &mdash; they are simple text

No, make it:
      <dd><em>README</em> files are also common &mdash; these are simple text
(and s/read me/README/g)

>   <dt><strong>quick reference cards</strong></dt>
>     <dd>
>         <p>Quick reference cards are very short summaries of a certain
>         (sub)system. Usually, such a reference card provides the mostly

s/mostly/most/

>         used commands on a single piece of paper. Some notable reference
>         cards and collections include:</p>

Here and in a few other places there are multi-weaselled lists - "some
of its features, for example, include (but are not limited to) FOO,
BAR, and BAZ, among many others".  I don't know if that's normal in
some other language, but it sounds ridiculous in English - here you'd
be best of dropping the "Some".

>         <dl>
>           <dt><a href="http://tangosoft.com/refcard/";>Debian
>               GNU/Linux Reference Card</a></dt>
> 	    <dd>This card, that can be printed out in a single paper,

s/that/which/, and s/in a single/on a single sheet of/.

> 		provides a list of the most important commands and is
> 		a good reference for new users of Debian that want to
> 		familiarise with them. At least basic knowledge of computer,

...and so on, but this is getting a bit much for the morning after a
Release Party...  Could we organise some way of getting the webpages
passed through a longer-term debian-l10n-english review?
-- 
JBR
Ankh kak! (Ancient Egyptian blessing)