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Re: [RFR] templates://sandboxgamemaker/{templates}



Christian PERRIER wrote:
> Your review should be sent as an answer to this mail.


>  Template: sandboxgamemaker/PAS_downloader_q
[...]
> + This content is non free, over 200 MB in size, and will ovewrite the
> + game content already in /usr/share/sandboxgamemaker.

Typo: overwrite.  Also, "non" needs a hyphen, and... oh, all sorts
of niggles.  How about:

    This non-free content is a download of over 200 MB, overwriting the
    game content already in /usr/share/sandboxgamemaker.

> + .
> + If you choose to download and overwrite default game content, this
> + action will be repeated for any further upgrade of the package,
> + keeping this data up-to-date with recently released material.

"Up-to-date" in this position doesn't need hyphens, whereas
pre-modifying "easy to use" below probably does.

>  Package: sandboxgamemaker
[...]
> -Description: Standalone 3D Game Maker and 3D Game Design program
> +Description: standalone 3D game maker and 3D game design program
                ^^^^^^^^^^
What does "standalone" mean in this context?  I'm hoping maybe
"unaffiliated with any particular Desktop Environment" rather than
"statically compiled" or "running on dedicated hardware", but it 
took me a bit of googling to come up with any plausible meaning.  If
the word's present in the upstream blurb to reassure prospective
users that it isn't "shovelware" then we should probably leave it 
out.

As a compromise I'll snip it here and leave it below...

> + Platinum Arts Sandbox is an open source, easy to use, standalone 3D game maker
> + and 3D game design program currently based on the cube 2 engine being used in
                                                      C
>   many schools throughout the world that allows kids and adults to create their
> + own video games, worlds, levels, adventures and quests, even cooperatively.
                                               ^,
This still has a breathless "advertising" feel to it... partly just
because the sentence is so long and packed with positive modifiers.
After all, wouldn't "schools throughout the world" automatically
mean "many schools"?  See the (US-dominated) list at
"http://forum.sandboxgamemaker.com/viewtopic.php?f=17&t=63"; - I'd be
happier calling that just "schools around the world".

    Platinum Arts Sandbox is an open source, easy-to-use, standalone 3D game
    maker and 3D game design program. It is currently based on the Cube 2
    engine used in schools around the world that allows kids and adults to
    create their own video games, worlds, levels, adventures, and quests,
    even cooperatively.

>   The goal is to make it accessible to kids but also powerful enough for full
> + game projects.
>   .
>   This package contains the client and server binaries.

If we want to put anything back there's some less adverty text here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Platinum_Arts_Sandbox_Free_3D_Game_Maker
-- 
JBR	with qualifications in linguistics, experience as a Debian
	sysadmin, and probably no clue about this particular package
--- sandboxgamemaker.old/debian/templates	2010-03-13 10:50:33.000000000 +0000
+++ sandboxgamemaker/debian/templates	2010-03-14 08:45:26.000000000 +0000
@@ -1,8 +1,12 @@
 Template: sandboxgamemaker/PAS_downloader_q
 Type: boolean
-_Description: Would you like to install the default content?
- Platinum Arts, LLC, distributes default game content over the internet.
- This content is non-DFSG, > 200 MB, and will ovewrite the game content
- already in /usr/share/sandboxgamemaker. The answer to this question will
- be remembered for future upgrades and will download new content with new
- releases.
+_Description: Install default content from Platinum Arts?
+ Platinum Arts, LLC, distributes default game content over the
+ Internet.
+ .
+ This non-free content is a download of over 200 MB, ovewriting the
+ game content already in /usr/share/sandboxgamemaker.
+ .
+ If you choose to download and overwrite default game content, this
+ action will be repeated for any further upgrade of the package,
+ keeping this data up to date with recently released material.
--- sandboxgamemaker.old/debian/control	2010-03-13 10:50:35.000000000 +0000
+++ sandboxgamemaker/debian/control	2010-03-14 08:42:57.000000000 +0000
@@ -9,20 +9,16 @@
 Vcs-Browser: http://git.debian.org/?p=pkg-games/sandboxgamemaker.git
 Vcs-git: git://git.debian.org/git/pkg-games/sandboxgamemaker.git
 
-
 Package: sandboxgamemaker
 Architecture: any
-Depends: ${shlibs:Depends}, ${misc:Depends}, debconf (>= 0.2.17)
+Depends: ${shlibs:Depends}, ${misc:Depends}
 Recommends: libsmpeg0, mikmod, timidity
-Description: Standalone 3D Game Maker and 3D Game Design program
- Platinum Arts Sandbox is an open source easy to use standalone 3D Game Maker
- and 3D Game Design program currently based on the cube 2 engine being used in
- many schools throughout the world that allows kids and adults to create their
- own video games, worlds, levels, adventures and quests, even cooperatively!
- The goal is to make it accessible to kids but also powerful enough for full
- game projects. With a simple click and roll of a mouse wheel users can modify
- the world however they want. In the words of Margaret, a nine year old Sandbox
- user, “Press Edit and go fulfill your dreams!”. Now features new
- game modes such as sidescroller, machinima, kartmode, RPG, and more!
+Description: 3D game maker and 3D game design program
+ Platinum Arts Sandbox is an open source, easy-to-use, standalone 3D game
+ maker and 3D game design program. It is currently based on the Cube 2
+ engine used in schools around the world that allows kids and adults to
+ create their own video games, worlds, levels, adventures, and quests,
+ even cooperatively. The goal is to make it accessible to kids but also
+ powerful enough for full game projects.
  .
  This package contains the client and server binaries.
Template: sandboxgamemaker/PAS_downloader_q
Type: boolean
_Description: Would you like to install the default content?
 Platinum Arts, LLC, distributes default game content over the internet.
 This content is non-DFSG, > 200 MB, and will ovewrite the game content
 already in /usr/share/sandboxgamemaker. The answer to this question will
 be remembered for future upgrades and will download new content with new
 releases.
Source: sandboxgamemaker
Section: contrib/games
Priority: optional
Maintainer: Scott Howard <showard314@gmail.com>
DM-Upload-Allowed: yes
Build-Depends: debhelper (>= 7.0.50~), libsdl-image1.2-dev, libsdl-mixer1.2-dev, libsdl1.2-dev, libenet-dev, po-debconf
Standards-Version: 3.8.4
Homepage: http://sandboxgamemaker.com/
Vcs-Browser: http://git.debian.org/?p=pkg-games/sandboxgamemaker.git
Vcs-git: git://git.debian.org/git/pkg-games/sandboxgamemaker.git


Package: sandboxgamemaker
Architecture: any
Depends: ${shlibs:Depends}, ${misc:Depends}, debconf (>= 0.2.17)
Recommends: libsmpeg0, mikmod, timidity
Description: Standalone 3D Game Maker and 3D Game Design program
 Platinum Arts Sandbox is an open source easy to use standalone 3D Game Maker
 and 3D Game Design program currently based on the cube 2 engine being used in
 many schools throughout the world that allows kids and adults to create their
 own video games, worlds, levels, adventures and quests, even cooperatively!
 The goal is to make it accessible to kids but also powerful enough for full
 game projects. With a simple click and roll of a mouse wheel users can modify
 the world however they want. In the words of Margaret, a nine year old Sandbox
 user, “Press Edit and go fulfill your dreams!”. Now features new
 game modes such as sidescroller, machinima, kartmode, RPG, and more!
 .
 This package contains the client and server binaries.

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