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Ben Collins (DPL) dies after accident with slapd

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Newly elected Debian Project Leader Ben Collins, age 28, family man
and also esteemed OpenLDAP developer was involved in a fatal accident
with slapd earlier today.

The newly elected Debian Project Leader, family man, and longtime developer of
OpenLDAP, died at 3:48am US EST, after suffering massive internal 
inconsistencies. Ben apparently was testing out some experimental CVS code for
a new hashing algorithm to increase efficiency of LDAP operations by 8-12%
under normal use, when a fatal signal was received by slapd and core was
dumped. COPs (Cabal OPeratives) appeared on the scene roughly 20 minutes after
the incident and began the process of sifting through the core for traces of
Collins. A frustrated Adam Heath cried "He must be here somewhere".
However, after several hours of debugging, Micheal Beattie proclaimed that the
search was being called off. Adam Heath was heard shouting "Damn it Ben, I 
told you gdb doesn't work properly on sparc". When the COPs were later
searched out for further comment on possible chances of the core being 
cryogenically preserved for future resurrection when gdb on sparc improves,
Branden Robinson, X maintainer, calmly responded "There is no cabal" and was
seen leaving the area with Demonishi in his tentacles.

Quality Assurance team member Martin Michlmayr was flown in from England to
assist with service preparations and refused comment. Nils Lohner and Richard
Braakman jointly expressed their sympathy to the family of Collins but later
were heard crying "Screw this DFSG-free stuff, if only we'd had a commercial
quality debugger for sparc!".

Kurt Zeilenga, chief architect of the OpenLDAP project was seen gripping a foam
stress ball and pacing furiously. The OpenLDAP project has not released a
statement at press time. When the Debian Press Team was polled for commentary,
this reporter was only able to receive comments regarding libdb and how "he
had it coming".

Service will be held in #debian-devel on April 3rd, 2001 10:00am UTC on the
openprojects network, at which time BenC's core will be tarred, gzipped, and
layed to rest on a new RAID array on auric.debian.org. Jason Gunthorpe, author
of APT and senior DSA for the Debian Project, who is responsible for the RAID
array and all arrangements regarding the tarring, was mostly unavailable for
comment and only quoted as saying "Moo, Moo, Ben Collins, moo moo"

Ben Collins will be sorely missed by both the Debian and OpenLDAP community.

Courtesy of Debian Planet

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