Hello Mark, On Wed, Dec 13 2017, Marc Haber wrote: > On Mon, Dec 11, 2017 at 11:03:23PM -0700, Sean Whitton wrote: >> >> Further, in my day-to-day life I am in a culture -- a university -- >> where the norm is to assume that nobody is uncomfortable talking to >> new people, and if they seem like they are uncomfortable, it's quite >> acceptable to just pretend that they're not (I'm neither endorsing >> nor criticising that culture here). > > Doesn't a University have its fair share of socially dysfunctional > nerds as well (me partly being one of them because I am usually > perceived as somebody very talkative and extroverted but I'm really > not)? Yes, but the norm (at least in this university) is to treat such people as if they are up for a conversation at all times. > You'll never know how the messages you send are received. The only way > you'll notice is carefully watching your counterpart and reacting > reasonably on signs of uneasiness. For example, I have difficulties to > maintain eye contact when I'm uncomfortable (which is why I love > having such conversations in the dark or in the car where I have an > excuse to look on the street instead of the eyes). > >> 1) am I right that those of us who have no difficulty with new people >> need not worry about those introverts/etc. who make it clear that >> they know how to look after themselves viz-à-viz their >> introversion/etc.? Or are there steps we can take? >> >> 2) for those people who have difficulty with new people but are /not/ >> like you -- do not have techniques to handle their energy levels; >> not fully aware of how they are -- what can those of us who have >> no difficulty with new people do to avoid imposing ourselves upon >> them? > > It is hard to give universal advice. Generally, I believe that > self-care and self-protection is the job of each individual > hirself. You can only look for signs of uneasiness and discomfort and > ask your counterpart about this if you think that this might be the > case. IMO, it's your counterpart's obligation to either retreat or to > voice the uneasiness. Thank you for this feedback. -- Sean Whitton
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