On Sun, Apr 22, 2007 at 10:09:06AM +0200, Joey Schulze wrote: >Steve McIntyre wrote: > >> >The Debian project is proud that it has been accepted by Google as a >> >mentor organisation for this year's Summer of Code program with nine >> >tasks in total. Google will fund these students to work full time on >> >these tasks during their summer vacation from May 28th to August 20th, >> >guided by active Debian developers. Several Debian developers will >> >evaluate their code during this time. >> >> Sounds a little stilted, tbh. How about (including Tolimar's >> suggestion): >> >> The Debian project is proud that it has been accepted by Google as a >> mentor organisation for this year's Summer of Code program, with nine >> tasks in total. Google will fund the students mentioned below to work >> full time on these tasks during their summer vacation, from May 28th >> to August 20th. They will be guided and evaluated during this time by >> active Debian developers. > >Ok. If you could point out the differences next time, that would >it easier to understand what (and maybe why things) has been changed. > >> >The main focus of all student tasks is to create or improve utilities >> >that assist developers to work on Debian packages and on the Debian >> >release. Several tasks cover communication between software authors, >> >who often are not part of the Debian project, users of the software, >> >and Debian developers who package the software for the Debian >> >GNU/Linux distribution. Other tasks will result in new tools that >> >help maintain Debian systems. >> >> Several minor issues in the English here, and I don't agree on the > >Which ones? "The main focus of all student tasks" would sound better as "The main focus of all the student tasks". "assist ... to work on" is better said as "assist ... working on". The sentence beginning "Several tasks" is really rather long and convoluted. Comparatively minor changes, but I think it reads better with them. >> "several tasks cover communication" sentence at all - only two of the >> projects could count in that direction. You've also concentrated on > >Actually, it's three: > >Mole, the bug triage task and the improved interface to the BTS. > >> those 2 types of project, but make no mention at all of the more >> common QA-related projects. I'm not sure this para adds anything, to >> be honest. > >Ok, what about: > >The main focus of all student tasks is to create or improve utilities >that assist developers to work on Debian packages and on the Debian >release. Several tasks cover communication between software authors, >users and Debian developers. A number of tasks target quality >assurance and improved testing. Other tasks will result in new tools >that help maintain Debian systems. Maybe instead: The main focus of all the student tasks is to create or improve utilities that assist developers working on Debian packages and the Debian release. Several tasks cover communication between software authors, users and Debian developers. A number of tasks target quality assurance and improved testing, while others will result in new tools that help maintain Debian systems. ?? >The benefit of this paragraph is that the remainder of the PR can >be cut of if the journalist or reader doesn't want to include/read >the detailed list. OK, agreed. >> > Cameron Dale will implement a BitTorrent proxy for the package >> > archive. He will use the BitTorrent system to work effectively with >> > large, constantly updating collections of files such as the Debian >> > archive >> >> It's not clear why you've rewritten this, losing the point of "expand >> on the BitTorrent application". > >There is no such thing as "the BitTorrent application". That's one >of the inaccuracies in the original text. Right, OK. >There's bittornado, deluge, azureus, mldonkey and probably a lot more. > >If you can, please send in more details, maybe the paragraph can be >improved to fit our needs. The student's own summary is up at http://debtorrent.alioth.debian.org/ and I've attached the original application text (app5.html). Maybe simply altering "the BitTorrent application" to "a BitTorrent application" would work? <snip the rest - I think we're in agreement> -- Steve McIntyre, Cambridge, UK. steve@einval.com "Every time you use Tcl, God kills a kitten." -- Malcolm Ray
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