Re: Please translate press statement
Alexander Reichle-Schmehl schrieb:
If you like, I can send you a more detailed explanation of the
version I found in the wiki later.
And here it comes (Revision 45 as of Mon Feb 08 21:56:57 2010):
'''Debian-Edu: Skolelinux 5.0 available for free download!'''
Well, it's not ideal with mixing all the terms "Debian", "Debian-Edu"
and "Skolelinux". But we can't change them now ;)
Skolelinux 5.0 is ready.
What is Skolelinux? For what is it ready? Why is it important?
This is a community release
Only this? And are there other releases? Why it is named a "community"
(whatever that means) release, if there are no other releases?
Skolelinux is Debian for education, produced by the Debian Edu team.
Again I'm unsure what that sentence should tell me beside confusing
those not familiar with the terms.
Several other projects have contributed additional functionality to
Skolelinux, to tailor it for both local and international needs.
Again I'm not sure what this sentence shall tell me or why it is in the
first paragraph; the first paragraph is the most important paragraph of
the entire press announcement! It must motivate people to continue
reading it and (even more important) it must explain a journalist why it
is worth to be covered by an article.
Citing a comment reintroducing that chapter:
Highligthing new features is mandatory for tech press, as this
example with Qt shows:
http://doc.qt.nokia.com/4.6-snapshot/qt4-6-intro.html
Highlighting is okay, but in a proper form and preferably not in a
repeated way. If you repeat too much, you might make journalists think
the announcement isn't worth to be mentioned as they haven't had enough
content.
The example at the URL does it in a good way: It uses the bullet points
similar to a table of contents allowing journalist to jump to the points
they are most interested in. As long as you don't write for each of the
points you would like to see mentioned as a starter I highly discourage
you from using such a style in this announcement.
'''What's new in the default installation:'''
So we actually haven't explained yet, what this is all about, but start
to explain, what is new. As for (very short) bullet points, see my last
mail.
* Skolelinux is based on Debian 5.0 "Lenny" and therefore compatible
with LSB 3.2, using kernel 2.6.26, KDE 3.5.10 and GNOME 2.22.2. The
LinEx GNU/Linux based educational project of Extremadura in Spain has
now merged with Debian Edu.
If the LinEx stuff was that cool, why don't you mention them? If there
wasn't anything cool merged from them, why mention them at all?
* The GNOME desktop is now supported in addition to KDE.
Better integrate that with the first mention of GNOME.
* Improved student desktop with educational software shortcuts to
GCompris, Kalzium, KGeography, KMplot, KStars, Stopmotion and the
OpenOffice suite.
Sorry, but that sounds like "We added some Icons on the desktop" and
that sounds so trivially, that I really don't think it should be mentioned.
* The documentation [..] Please consider helping translating to your
native language or reviewing the english original!
I really don't think such a sentence should be in a release
announcement. Announcing that one needs help is okay, but not in a
release announcement, which should say "It's ready, it's super, it has
all these cool features!"
* Added !PulseAudio in addition to ALSA and OSS sound system for
better audio and multimedia performance on workstations and diskless
workstations machines.
Here I wonder if it is of such a great interest, but I don't have a
strong opintion about it.
Skolelinux is now deployed at many schools in municipalities, regions
and states throughout Europe, Asia and South America. It is used by
250.000 students and teachers at 200 schools in Extremadura. The
German states of Rheinland-Pfalz and Hamburg are providing Skolelinux
for their schools. The Indian state Karnataka are basing their
ICT@School projecton Skolelinux. The Debian Edu team also co-operates
with the Debian based Linux Educacionale distribution, used by more
than 30 million students in Brazilian schools.
And suddenly there is this Paragraph about where Skolelinux is used.
Nothing against that, but it should better be merged with the "About
Skolelinux" section bellow.
> '''Enterprise solution'''
I would wonder, what that section is telling me in a release
announcement? Supplying background information and motiviation? Then I
think it would be better later in the announcement. But all in all, I
would rather try to get a kind of "trigger" for a sepperate
announcement, e.g. someone important telling how cool Skolelinux is, and
how it is suitable even for enterprise solutions.
> [..] bleeding edge software is not an option.
When announcing something new, I really would avoid mentioning that it
is not "bleeding edge".
> Debian is the most comprehensive and rigorously tested GNU/Linux
> distribution on the market.
While I think it is true, it is here just an unproven fact.
> It is the most popular server system in German businesses [..]
This I doubt; it's another unproven fact / fact without citation.
> The newest Skolelinux has lower hardware requirements than proprietary
> alternatives.
Uhm... So someone really compared all the proprietary alternatives
available? Ye another unproven fact / fact without citation.
> Instead of upgrading to newer hardware when a proprietary
> vendor upgrades their operating system, schools can extend their
> hardware lifetime by 5-8 years using Skolelinux. This allows schools
> to run twice the number of computers with Skolelinux. Due to lower
> hardware requirements and zero license costs, schools might get twice
> as many machines when buying new computers with Skolelinux.
That paragraph with the repeating "twice" is rather confusing: First
I'm told, that I might be able to have twice as many computers, as I
don't need to buy new ones so often. Then it states that it mentions
zero licensing costs and again twice?
> Due to its stability, enterprise features and diskless workstation
> option, Skolelinux cuts the operating costs in half compared to any
> other desktop alternative in schools.
Again I ask for a quite, a source, a citations anything but just mention
unproven facts.
> According to maintainers of 80.000 computers in Extramedura, Spain,
> the annual personnel costs to run a workstation is less than 50 Euro.
Please either name the maintainers or don't mention it.
> '''Going forward'''
Okay, one could argue if it is that useful to have such a paragraph in
an press text, announcing something new, at all, but let's see.
> * The next milestone is a pointrelease, 5.0.4+edu1, around mid-March
> 2010, with updates to the documentation and its translations as well
> as some important bugfixes.
Pleas? You want to write in a press text, that you release something
buggy? So why should anyone reading this try it now instead of wait for
the "real" release in March?
> * The next further milestone of Skolelinux development includes the
> introduction of major new features
Which are?
> and aims at release simultaneously with Debian Squeeze, which is
> currently scheduled for the second half of 2010.
Oh, so one could probably even skip the march release and wait for the
complete new thing...
> The Squeeze-based release (6.0.0+edu0) will include the Sugar
> desktop, [..]
I guess not all readers know what the "Sugar desktop" is.
Sorry, as we are getting near the 14:00 CET appointment, I skip the rest
(which is mostly Okay, beside repeating stuff already mentioned).
Best regards,
Alexander
Reply to: