Re: Please review announcement about upcoming German Min Conference
Alexander Reichle-Schmehl wrote:
> Hi!
>
> We just drafted an announcement for a Debian Mini Conference during the
> upcoming LinuxTag in Germany. It should be send out in the coming days,
> so review (especially by native speakers) would be most welcome.
Patch attached, commented version below.
Since it's en_GB I won't suggest Harvard commas. Also, I'll assume
"Mini Conference" is canonical for this Berlin Debian Mini
Conference; if not, I'd suggest at least hyphenating it throughout
as "Mini-Conference", because a Mini Conference might be one for
owners of Austin Minis.
> -is pleased to announce, that the first Debian Mini Conference in Germany
X
> -will take place on 10th and 11th of June in Berlin as a subconference of
> -this years LinuxTag. LinuxTag is one of the most important Open
^
> +is pleased to announce that the first Debian Mini Conference in Germany
> +will take place on the 10th and 11th of June in Berlin as a subconference of
> +this year's LinuxTag. LinuxTag is one of the most important Open
> Source Events in Europe and takes place from June 9th to 12th on the
> Berlin Fairgrounds.</p>
Two minor punctuation fixes and a date format tweak. If you want to
use the same date format each time I'd recommend changing the first
to "on June 10th and 11th".
> In parallel to the conference, in a neighbouring <i>hacking area</i> a Bug
> -Squashing Party will be held, where time will be spend on fixing remaining
^
> +Squashing Party will be held, where time will be spent on fixing remaining
> release critical bugs, running upgrade tests and working on the release
> -notes for the upcoming release Debian 6.0 <q>Squeeze</q>.</p>
> +notes for the upcoming release, Debian 6.0 <q>Squeeze</q>.</p>
Passive "be spent".
Just for once I think you want an extra comma there. It could even be
upgraded all the way to a colon.
> -<h2>About MiniDebConf</h2>
> +<h2>About Mini-DebConf</h2>
In this paragraph where you're talking about MiniDebConfs in general
you use several spellings, and I've picked the one with a hyphen to
standardise on.
> -<p>A MiniDebConf is a Debian Project's developer conference, which is
^^ ^^^^^
> -smaller in the number of attendees compared to a full DebConf, which is
^^^^^
That possessive doesn't work; the simple fix is to make it a plain
noun-pile. Then there are stacked whiches...
> +<p>A Mini-DebConf is a Debian Project developer conference, which is
> +smaller in the number of attendees compared to the full DebConf
> held annually by the Debian project. It still features a full schedule
> of technical, social and policy talks, and thus a Mini-DebConf provides
> an opportunity for developers, contributors and other interested people
> to meet in person and work together closely. Just like its bigger
> -counter part, the regular DebConf, Mini-DebConfs have taken place many
^
> -times since 2000 in locations from all over the world: Europe, America,
^^^^
> -Asia and Australia continents.</p>
^^^^^^^^^^
> +counterpart, the regular DebConf, Mini-DebConfs have taken place many
> +times since 2000 in locations all over the world: Europe, America,
> +Asia and Australia.</p>
Locations aren't "from" places; and there are no Australia continents
(though some cultures count two Americas), so just abandon that word.
--
JBR
Ankh kak! (Ancient Egyptian blessing)
--- 2010-04-07-minidebconf-germany.wml 2010-04-06 16:35:45.000000000 +0100
+++ 2010-04-07-minidebconf-germany..wml.jbr 2010-04-06 17:20:25.000000000 +0100
@@ -4,9 +4,9 @@
# $Id$
<p>The Debian Project, the team behind the free Debian operating system,
-is pleased to announce, that the first Debian Mini Conference in Germany
-will take place on 10th and 11th of June in Berlin as a subconference of
-this years LinuxTag. LinuxTag is one of the most important Open
+is pleased to announce that the first Debian Mini Conference in Germany
+will take place on the 10th and 11th of June in Berlin as a subconference of
+this year's LinuxTag. LinuxTag is one of the most important Open
Source Events in Europe and takes place from June 9th to 12th on the
Berlin Fairgrounds.</p>
@@ -14,9 +14,9 @@
panel discussion for an audience ranging from Debian Developers and
Maintainers to contributors, users and otherwise interested persons.
In parallel to the conference, in a neighbouring <i>hacking area</i> a Bug
-Squashing Party will be held, where time will be spend on fixing remaining
+Squashing Party will be held, where time will be spent on fixing remaining
release critical bugs, running upgrade tests and working on the release
-notes for the upcoming release Debian 6.0 <q>Squeeze</q>.</p>
+notes for the upcoming release, Debian 6.0 <q>Squeeze</q>.</p>
<p>No registration is necessary to attend the Debian Mini Conference, but
a ticket for the LinuxTag (available upon request) is needed. The
@@ -36,17 +36,17 @@
<q>universal operating system</q>.</p>
-<h2>About MiniDebConf</h2>
+<h2>About Mini-DebConf</h2>
-<p>A MiniDebConf is a Debian Project's developer conference, which is
-smaller in the number of attendees compared to a full DebConf, which is
+<p>A Mini-DebConf is a Debian Project developer conference, which is
+smaller in the number of attendees compared to the full DebConf
held annually by the Debian project. It still features a full schedule
of technical, social and policy talks, and thus a Mini-DebConf provides
an opportunity for developers, contributors and other interested people
to meet in person and work together closely. Just like its bigger
-counter part, the regular DebConf, Mini-DebConfs have taken place many
-times since 2000 in locations from all over the world: Europe, America,
-Asia and Australia continents.</p>
+counterpart, the regular DebConf, Mini-DebConfs have taken place many
+times since 2000 in locations all over the world: Europe, America,
+Asia and Australia.</p>
<h2>Contact Information</h2>
Reply to: