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Re: Please proofread my descriptions

On Wed, May 14, 2003 at 12:41:43AM +0200, Nicolas Boullis wrote:
> As I'm not a native english speaker, I'd like someone more qualified 
> than I am to reviex my descriptions. If this might be needed, please 
> feel free to even rewrite (partially or completely) these descriptions.

They're certainly far better than many native-written descriptions I've
seen. I don't know about anyone else, but I only have a few nits to

> Package: loadwatch
> Description: Run a program using only idle cycles
>  loadwatch forks a child process and only allows it to run when the system
>  load meets user defined parameters. loadwatch allows you to specify that a
>  program should run only if the load is below a set point, and will stop it
>  when that point is reached. When the load falls below a second set point,
>  the program will be continued. The period of sampling the system load can
>  also be specified by the user.

I'd be inclined to say "user-defined" rather than "user defined".

The first two sentences both begin with the program name, which sounds
repetitive. I'd replace the second "loadwatch" with "It".

Instead of "set point" (sounds like tennis :-)), try "specified point"?

I suggest inverting the last sentence, thus: "The user can also specify
the system load sampling period."

> Package: mah-jong
> Description: The original Mah-Jong game
>  This is a set of programs to play the original Mah-Jong game: one
>  server, one client for a human player and one client for a programmed
>  player. Hence the game can be played by 1 to 4 human players.

Instead of "programmed player", use "AI player" or "computer-controlled

>  .
>  You should keep in mind that the original Mah-Jong game has nothing to
>  do with the well-known solitaire game. (It only uses the same set of
>  tiles.)

s/only/merely/; "only" sounds very slightly odd to me there.

> Package: wmtv
> Description: Dockable video4linux TV player for WindowMaker
>  A miniature size dockable TV appllication. It currently supports
>  channel presets, PAL/SECAM/NTSC, fine tuning, scanning of TV stations,
>  use of external TV application, and more.

You have an extra "l" in the first "application", and you should put
"external TV applications" in the plural like so.


Colin Watson                                  [cjwatson@flatline.org.uk]

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