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Bug#864240: release-notes: proofreading sweep - whats-new.dbk



Package: release-notes
Severity: wishlist
Tags: patch

The one I almost forgot, which fortunately is only wishlist
English language/style changes
 
 Index: whats-new.dbk
 ===================================================================
 --- whats-new.dbk	(revision 11552)
 +++ whats-new.dbk	(working copy)
 @@ -33,7 +33,7 @@
  </itemizedlist>
  
  <para>
 -  Debian &release; regrettably remove support for the following architecture:
 +  Debian &release; regrettably removes support for the following architecture:
  </para>
  <itemizedlist>
    <listitem>

English number agreement.

 @@ -52,7 +52,7 @@
          The 32-bit PC support (known as the Debian architecture
          <literal>i386</literal>) now no longer covers a plain i586
          processor.  The new baseline is the i686, although some i586
 -        processors (e.g. the "AMD Geode") will remain supported.
 +        processors (e.g. the <quote>AMD Geode</quote>) will remain supported.
        </para>
        <para>
          Please refer to <xref linkend="i386-is-now-almost-i686"/> for

Avoid ASCII quotes, here and repeatedly below.

 @@ -445,7 +445,7 @@
    <title>MariaDB replaces MySQL</title>
    <para>
      MariaDB is now the default MySQL variant in Debian, at version 10.1.
 -    The &Releasename; release introduces a new mechanism for switching the
 +    The &releasename; release introduces a new mechanism for switching the
      default variant, using metapackages created from the
      <systemitem role="package">mysql-defaults</systemitem> source package.
      For example, installing the metapackage

Releasenames are lowercase (and the &-entities are unhelpful in this
file, but never mind).

 @@ -481,25 +481,25 @@
  </section>
  
  <section id="apt-improvements">
 -  <title>Improvements to apt and archive layouts</title>
 +  <title>Improvements to APT and archive layouts</title>

Through all of this I'm capitalising the brandname of the "suite" as
opposed to the package or command (which should get their own markup).

    <para>
      The <systemitem role="package">apt</systemitem> package manager
      has seen a number of improvements since jessie.  Most of these
      apply to <systemitem role="package">aptitude</systemitem> as well.
 -    The following is a selected highlight of some of these.
 +    Following are selected highlights of some of these.

Multiple highlights.

    </para>
    <para>
 -    On the security side, apt now rejects weaker checksums by default
 +    On the security side, APT now rejects weaker checksums by default
      (e.g. SHA1) and attempts to download as an unprivileged user.
      Please refer to <xref linkend="apt-new-requirements-to-mirrors" />
      and <xref linkend="apt-unpriv-acquire" /> for more information.
    </para>
    <para>
 -    The apt-based package managers have also gotten a number of
 -    improvements that will remove the annoying "hash sum mismatch"
 +    The APT-based package managers have also gotten a number of
 +    improvements that will remove the annoying <quote>hash sum mismatch</quote>
      warning that occurs when running apt during a mirror
 -    synchronisation.  This happens via the new
 -    <literal>by-hash</literal> layout, which enables apt to download
 +    synchronization.  This happens via the new
 +    <literal>by-hash</literal> layout, which enables APT to download
      metadata files by their content hash.
    </para>
    <para>

en-US -ization to go with en-US "gotten".

 @@ -512,10 +512,10 @@
      format description</ulink>
    </para>
    <para>
 -    While possibly mostly interesting for mirror administrators, apt
 -    in stretch can use DNS (SRV) records to locate a HTTP backend.
 +    While this may be mostly interesting for mirror administrators, APT
 +    in stretch can use DNS (SRV) records to locate an HTTP backend.

It's not saying that APT is uninteresting to normal users, just that
this following news-item might be.  Then HTTP begins with a vowel
sound.

      This is useful for providing a simple DNS name and then managing
 -    backends via DNS rather than using a "redirector" service.  This
 +    backends via DNS rather than using a <quote>redirector</quote> service.  This
      feature is also used by the new Debian mirror described in <xref
      linkend="deb-debian-org-mirror" />.
    </para>
 @@ -531,9 +531,9 @@
      under a single easy to remember hostname.
    </para>
    <para>
 -    This service relies on the new DNS support in apt, but will
 -    fallback to a regular redirect for HTTPS access or older versions
 -    of apt.  More details are provided on <ulink
 +    This service relies on the new DNS support in APT, but will
 +    fall back to a regular redirect for HTTPS access or older versions
 +    of APT.  More details are provided on <ulink
      url="https://deb.debian.org";>deb.debian.org</ulink>.
    </para>
    <para>

One-word noun ("a fallback"), two-word verb ("to fall back, falling
back").

 @@ -546,7 +546,7 @@
    <title>Move to "Modern" GnuPG</title>
    <para>
      The stretch release is the first version of Debian to feature the
 -    "Modern" branch of GnuPG in the <systemitem
 +    <quote>modern</quote> branch of GnuPG in the <systemitem
      role="package">gnupg</systemitem> package.  This brings with it
      elliptic curve cryptography, better defaults, a more modular
      architecture, and improved smartcard support.  The modern branch

While I'm fixing the quotes, make it consistently lowercase.

 @@ -556,7 +556,7 @@
      information.
    </para>
    <para>
 -    We will continue to supply the "classic" branch of GnuPG as
 +    We will continue to supply the <quote>classic</quote> branch of GnuPG as
      <systemitem role="package">gnupg1</systemitem> for people who need
      it, but it is now deprecated.
    </para>
 @@ -572,16 +572,16 @@
      </para>
    </note>
    <para>
 -    Previously, the main debian archive would include packages
 +    Previously, the main Debian archive would include packages

This might alternatively go in quotes like "debian-debug" below.

      containg debug symbols for selected libraries or programs.  With
      stretch, most of these have been moved to a separate archive
 -    called the "debian-debug" archive.  This archive contains the
 +    called the <quote>debian-debug</quote> archive.  This archive contains the
      debug symbol packages for the vast majority of all packages
      provided by Debian.
    </para>
    <para>
      If you want to fetch such debug packages, please include the following
 -    in your apt sources: <screen>
 +    in your APT sources: <screen>
  deb http://debug.mirrors.debian.org/debian-debug/ stretch-debug main
  </screen>
      Alternatively, you can also fetch them from <ulink
 @@ -604,7 +604,7 @@
    <para>
      The installer and newly installed systems will use a new standard
      naming scheme for network interfaces instead of <literal>eth0</literal>,
 -    <literal>eth1</literal> etc.
 +    <literal>eth1</literal>, etc.
      The old naming method suffered from enumeration race conditions
      that made it possible for interface names to change unexpectedly
      and is incompatible with mounting the root filesystem read-only.

Harvard comma to match the other iteration of this text.

 @@ -617,7 +617,7 @@
      will have names based upon their ethernet MAC addresses.
    </para>
    <para>
 -    This change does not apply to upgrades of jessie systems,
 +    This change does not apply to upgrades of jessie systems;
      the naming will continue to be enforced by
      <filename>/etc/udev/rules.d/70-persistent-net.rules</filename>.
      For more information, see 
 
Fixing a run-on sentence with stronger punctuation.
-- 
JBR	with qualifications in linguistics, experience as a Debian
	sysadmin, and probably no clue about this particular package
Index: whats-new.dbk
===================================================================
--- whats-new.dbk	(revision 11552)
+++ whats-new.dbk	(working copy)
@@ -33,7 +33,7 @@
 </itemizedlist>
 
 <para>
-  Debian &release; regrettably remove support for the following architecture:
+  Debian &release; regrettably removes support for the following architecture:
 </para>
 <itemizedlist>
   <listitem>
@@ -52,7 +52,7 @@
         The 32-bit PC support (known as the Debian architecture
         <literal>i386</literal>) now no longer covers a plain i586
         processor.  The new baseline is the i686, although some i586
-        processors (e.g. the "AMD Geode") will remain supported.
+        processors (e.g. the <quote>AMD Geode</quote>) will remain supported.
       </para>
       <para>
         Please refer to <xref linkend="i386-is-now-almost-i686"/> for
@@ -445,7 +445,7 @@
   <title>MariaDB replaces MySQL</title>
   <para>
     MariaDB is now the default MySQL variant in Debian, at version 10.1.
-    The &Releasename; release introduces a new mechanism for switching the
+    The &releasename; release introduces a new mechanism for switching the
     default variant, using metapackages created from the
     <systemitem role="package">mysql-defaults</systemitem> source package.
     For example, installing the metapackage
@@ -481,25 +481,25 @@
 </section>
 
 <section id="apt-improvements">
-  <title>Improvements to apt and archive layouts</title>
+  <title>Improvements to APT and archive layouts</title>
   <para>
     The <systemitem role="package">apt</systemitem> package manager
     has seen a number of improvements since jessie.  Most of these
     apply to <systemitem role="package">aptitude</systemitem> as well.
-    The following is a selected highlight of some of these.
+    Following are selected highlights of some of these.
   </para>
   <para>
-    On the security side, apt now rejects weaker checksums by default
+    On the security side, APT now rejects weaker checksums by default
     (e.g. SHA1) and attempts to download as an unprivileged user.
     Please refer to <xref linkend="apt-new-requirements-to-mirrors" />
     and <xref linkend="apt-unpriv-acquire" /> for more information.
   </para>
   <para>
-    The apt-based package managers have also gotten a number of
-    improvements that will remove the annoying "hash sum mismatch"
+    The APT-based package managers have also gotten a number of
+    improvements that will remove the annoying <quote>hash sum mismatch</quote>
     warning that occurs when running apt during a mirror
-    synchronisation.  This happens via the new
-    <literal>by-hash</literal> layout, which enables apt to download
+    synchronization.  This happens via the new
+    <literal>by-hash</literal> layout, which enables APT to download
     metadata files by their content hash.
   </para>
   <para>
@@ -512,10 +512,10 @@
     format description</ulink>
   </para>
   <para>
-    While possibly mostly interesting for mirror administrators, apt
-    in stretch can use DNS (SRV) records to locate a HTTP backend.
+    While this may be mostly interesting for mirror administrators, APT
+    in stretch can use DNS (SRV) records to locate an HTTP backend.
     This is useful for providing a simple DNS name and then managing
-    backends via DNS rather than using a "redirector" service.  This
+    backends via DNS rather than using a <quote>redirector</quote> service.  This
     feature is also used by the new Debian mirror described in <xref
     linkend="deb-debian-org-mirror" />.
   </para>
@@ -531,9 +531,9 @@
     under a single easy to remember hostname.
   </para>
   <para>
-    This service relies on the new DNS support in apt, but will
-    fallback to a regular redirect for HTTPS access or older versions
-    of apt.  More details are provided on <ulink
+    This service relies on the new DNS support in APT, but will
+    fall back to a regular redirect for HTTPS access or older versions
+    of APT.  More details are provided on <ulink
     url="https://deb.debian.org";>deb.debian.org</ulink>.
   </para>
   <para>
@@ -546,7 +546,7 @@
   <title>Move to "Modern" GnuPG</title>
   <para>
     The stretch release is the first version of Debian to feature the
-    "Modern" branch of GnuPG in the <systemitem
+    <quote>modern</quote> branch of GnuPG in the <systemitem
     role="package">gnupg</systemitem> package.  This brings with it
     elliptic curve cryptography, better defaults, a more modular
     architecture, and improved smartcard support.  The modern branch
@@ -556,7 +556,7 @@
     information.
   </para>
   <para>
-    We will continue to supply the "classic" branch of GnuPG as
+    We will continue to supply the <quote>classic</quote> branch of GnuPG as
     <systemitem role="package">gnupg1</systemitem> for people who need
     it, but it is now deprecated.
   </para>
@@ -572,16 +572,16 @@
     </para>
   </note>
   <para>
-    Previously, the main debian archive would include packages
+    Previously, the main Debian archive would include packages
     containg debug symbols for selected libraries or programs.  With
     stretch, most of these have been moved to a separate archive
-    called the "debian-debug" archive.  This archive contains the
+    called the <quote>debian-debug</quote> archive.  This archive contains the
     debug symbol packages for the vast majority of all packages
     provided by Debian.
   </para>
   <para>
     If you want to fetch such debug packages, please include the following
-    in your apt sources: <screen>
+    in your APT sources: <screen>
 deb http://debug.mirrors.debian.org/debian-debug/ stretch-debug main
 </screen>
     Alternatively, you can also fetch them from <ulink
@@ -604,7 +604,7 @@
   <para>
     The installer and newly installed systems will use a new standard
     naming scheme for network interfaces instead of <literal>eth0</literal>,
-    <literal>eth1</literal> etc.
+    <literal>eth1</literal>, etc.
     The old naming method suffered from enumeration race conditions
     that made it possible for interface names to change unexpectedly
     and is incompatible with mounting the root filesystem read-only.
@@ -617,7 +617,7 @@
     will have names based upon their ethernet MAC addresses.
   </para>
   <para>
-    This change does not apply to upgrades of jessie systems,
+    This change does not apply to upgrades of jessie systems;
     the naming will continue to be enforced by
     <filename>/etc/udev/rules.d/70-persistent-net.rules</filename>.
     For more information, see 

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