Re: new draft release announcement
On Sun, Apr 28, 2002 at 07:47:16PM -0400, Joey Hess wrote:
> (It's pretty well done now. Spelling and grammar corrections
> appreciated.)
OK, here are some real nitpicks.
> The Debian Project is pleased to announce the latest release of Debian
> GNU/Linux, version 3.0.
Is it correct to announce an object or better to announce an action?
I think we should announce the release of version 3.0, rather than
announcing 3.0 itself. ie:
The Debian Project is pleased to announce the release of Debian
GNU/Linux, version 3.0.
> For the first time, Debian comes with the KDE desktop environment. The
> GNOME desktop environment is upgraded to version 1.4, and X itself is
> upgraded to the much improved XFree86 4.1. With the addition of several
"is upgraded" or "has been upgraded"? The tense is a little odd here.
I think
The GNOME desktop environment has been upgraded to version 1.4, and X
itself has been upgraded to the much improved XFree86 4.1.
is better. (Is it 4.1 or 4.1.0? Or no difference?) By the way,
> For the first time, Debian comes with the KDE desktop environment. The
almost suggests that we have introduced KDE to replace GNOME (obviously
not the case). I might be reading too much into this.
> Debian GNU/Linux 3.0 features a more streamlined and polished installation,
> which is translated into numerous languages. The debconf tool is used to
Tense problem here too ("which is translated"). Better as either
"which is available in numerous languages" or "which has been translated
into numerous languages."
> select packages. Four thousand new software packages are added to the
> distribution in Debian GNU/Linux 3.0.
"have been added" (rather than "are added").
> This is the first release of Debian to be compliant with version 2.2 of the
> FHS. Debian GNU/Linux now also supports software developed for the Linux
> Standard Base (LSB).
Should FHS be spelled out as LSB is?
Good work!
cheers,
Hamish
--
Hamish Moffatt VK3SB <hamish@debian.org> <hamish@cloud.net.au>
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