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Re: Please review announcement of upcoming release of Debian 4.0r4 "etch-and-a-half"



I'm sorry that this is late, but the announcement has a rather
disturbing number of problems. I'd suggest at least the following changes:

   New CD and DVD images containing updated packages and the regular installation
   media accompanied with the package archive respectively will be available soon
   at the regular locations.

This sentence is basically incomprehensible. How is installation media
accompanied by the package archive? "respectively" to what?  I don't understand
what it's trying to say, so I can't even suggest a rewrite.

   "Etch and a half" is Debian's desire 

Poetical, but false. Suggest inserting "the result of" after "is".

   This marks the first time the Debian project updates several core packages
   in its stable distribution without security implications and demonstrates its
   huge dedication for their users.

The above is perfectly well written, but it is also laughable puffery. If
we have a huge dedication to our users, why is this the first time we managed
to do this in over ten years? Suggest s/and demonstrates.*\.//

   Components newer than the first release of Debian GNU/Linux 4.0 ("etch") that
   were not supported yet will be detected by an updated installation routine
   which is able to install a newer Linux kernel (2.6.24) on the freshly installed
   system. 

While I suspect that there's a reading of the above that makes every word of it
true, it's not the obvious reading. I think that most people will read it to
suggest that d-i tries to figure out if the system needs 2.6.24 or can get by
with the old kernel and choses which to install, which, AFAIK is not true.
Suggest the following text, which comes from
etch/debian-installer/etchnhalf:

   The "etch-and-a-half" release is essentially just the most recent
   point release for etch, but with a more recent kernel (version
   2.6.24). The main purpose of this release is to allow installation of
   "etch" on systems not supported by the 2.6.18 kernel that is used in
   regular "etch" installs. 

Bad English:
   Dual-head setups are also supported rudimentary.
Replace:
   There is also rudimentary support for dual-head setups.

Comma additions:

  for the first time in Debian's history, an update for a stable distrubtion also
                                        ^
  adds support for newer hardware, by giving users the option to install newer
                                 ^
  drivers.



Note that in general I am disconcerted by the lack of review our press
announcements are getting, and the quality of their text.

-- 
see shy jo

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